Indiscriminate
Girlfriend Potential Test
12/23/08 01:06 PM
In recent months, I’ve
had droves of attractive ladies ask me, “Alex, how
can I become your girlfriend?” Due to my extreme
popularity, I haven’t had time to give any of them a
proper answer up until now. But now I have the
answer. The following is the Girlfriend Potential
Test. You must receive an adequate score on this exam
in order to be considered Girlfriend Potential.
“Adequate” is decided by myself and, of course, my
sister (who has protective custody over my
relationship status), Jenna. This exam has been
adapted from several tests I’ve seen scattered around
the internet, but it is mostly the creation of myself
and Jenna.
Overview and Instructions
The following exam will be administered to all females that are interested in the pursuit of a relationship with one Alex Laird of Cedarville University in Ohio. Only those exams completed by a female in under the alloted fifty-minute time limit will be reviewed. You will be graded on grammar, spelling, creativity, the ability to construct a proper sentence, and lastly your overall appearance. Please submit all answers via email in a text document as an attachment to both alexdlaird@gmail.com and jenna.woestman@gmail.com. Be sure to mark the email as Urgent and put “ - Girlfriend Potential Test” in the subject line, replacing with your actual name. Include a decent, personal photograph with a minimum resolution of 800x600. Please ensure that your name, number, state of residence, and most recent IQ score are displayed prominently in the upper right-hand corner of the paper. When submitting the completed exam, each question should be copied and pasted with your answer promptly following it.
Please keep in mind that this is not a job application. However, your performance on this exam will very accurately portray your cleverness and most likely your ability to succeed when put in a real work environment. I reserve the right to submit your exam results to any future employer as either a recommendation of your abilities or in jest to show them what you aren’t capable of.
You have fifty minutes to complete this test. Your time starts now.
Section One: Multiple Choice (Answer All, 20 Points)
1.) Finish this lyric. “Apple bottom jeans ...”
A.) With the fur. The whole club was looking at her.
B.) Make me look, like, real hot.
C.) OMG I love that song!
D.) Heaven preserve us ... I’m not finishing that lyric. Do you realize Flo Rida’s name is just Florida with a space dropped in randomly?
2.) I’m going to college:
A.) To get my M-R-S degree.
B.) So I can get a good education and make a difference in the world someday.
C.) Because my parents are paying for it, so why not? I don’t actually plan on applying myself at all.
D.) Because I figured it was better than working at McDonald’s.
E.) ... Wait. I’m not going to college, actually.
3.) We’ve talked every night for several hours (not including the Dinner and a movie we had on Saturday, or the Monday night that I came over and we baked cookies), with conversation time averaging about an hour per night. On a Thursday night, when on a deadline, I express a need to get off the phone so I can finish some work and get to bed at a reasonable hour. You:
A.) Take this as a sign that I’m abandoning you, begin to point out all my flaws and that I clearly have commitment issues, and then cry.
B.) Say goodbye, but manage to do it with such menace and venom that I stay on the phone for another three silent hours, broken only occasionally by fits of gentle weeping and muttered curses.
C.) Say goodbye, but then immediately embark on another conversation entirely, discussing it as thoroughly as is scientifically, legally, or religiously possible so I can’t get a word in edge-wise.
D.) Express your feelings of devotion in three words or less, then quickly say goodbye after confirming plans for tomorrow night are still on.
4.) We’re having a fight. You:
A.) Use my past stupidities against me, even though they are completely irrelevant, I’ve apologized for them, and you said you had forgiven me several months prior.
B.) Give me space when the discussion gets too heated for rational thought, and redress your complaints in a calm manner when we’ve both had a chance to cool down.
C.) Flip me The Bird.
D.) Realize the fight is about nothing, so you begin creating fictional problems and making wild accusations about my obsession with material goods and having a wandering eye.
E.) Both c and d.
5.) I’m going out on a Friday night to hang with a bunch of my buddies. You:
A.) Immediately assume there will be female buddies there as well, that I’m in love with one of them, and become irrationally jealous. You never verbalize this too me, so I’m only lost as you stomp around my apartment and give me the cold shoulder.
B.) See this as a great opportunity to get some things done without me around.
C.) See this as a sign that you are probably just a casual thing that I could toss aside at any given moment, despite the fact that we’ve hung out the last seven evenings and I’ve still somehow managed to write you letters every other day this week.
D.) Ask if you can come along.
E.) Invite yourself and a bunch of your girlfriends along without asking my permission.
F.) Have a girls night. Hanging out with boys all the time isn’t good for anyone.
G.) Both b and f.
6.) In order to attract a male, you would:
A.) Act like a complete ditz. Guys love ditzy girls!
B.) Act superior and arrogant. Guys love it when they’re inferior to a woman.
C.) Act like yourself. Guys love it when a girl is genuine and they don’t have to figure out who she really is after they’ve already fallen for whatever show she put on when they first met.
D.) Wear the least amount of fabric as is legally possible. Guys love seductive girls.
7.) You would date a guy because:
A.) He was extremely attractive. (Hint: This is the wrong answer. God made girls to be attractive, not guys.)
B.) He’s smart!
C.) He’ll probably be rich someday, or he is rich currently.
D.) He was manipulative and somehow managed to convince you that you were in love with him ... So I guess you’re supposed to date?
E.) You had compatible personalities, were able to resolve misunderstandings without the obligatory fist fights, and you found yourself quite smitten with who he was.
8.) You buy clothes based on:
A.) Seventeen Magazine’s top picks.
B.) What’s cute and comfortable and doesn’t look like the sewing machine ran out of thread when it reached your midriff.
C.) Whatever’s newest at Abercrombie.
D.) Nothing. My mom makes them for me.
9.) You’re going clothes shopping, and the only option you have is to take me with you. You:
A.) Ignore the fact that I’m completely and hopelessly bored out of my mind, asking me repeatedly with every outfit you try on, “Does this make me look fat?”
B.) Come up with a creative game plan to help me enjoy shopping with you, keeping in mind that my retail-oriented attention span is about twelve minutes and that I am prone to wandering after flashing lights and shiny things.
C.) Attempt to keep the shopping experience as short as possible, getting only what you absolutely need and trying things on only the minimum number of times (in my opinion, not yours).
D.) Both b and c.
E.) Spontaneously add stores to the list every time we’re about to approach the “almost done” mark. These stores were not discussed prior to leaving the apartment.
10.) Assuming things without asking me to confirm them, and/or making wild and negative accusations off of single statements I make (probably sarcastic statements, at that), and/or putting words in my mouth, and/or twisting words I have previously said to make them sound derogatory are:
A.) All necessary to a healthy relationship and help spur constructive criticism and beneficial arguments.
B.) Expected and rational things to do, especially when you feel cornered or as if you may be losing an argument.
C.) May be good or bad, depending on your current mood, how your week has been going, and whether I asked you about your current mood and how your week has been going.
D.) All completely inappropriate and should never be done under any circumstances. Rational thought is required in every conversation, whether an argument or just casual.
Section Two: True or False (Answer All, 15 Points)
Answer true or false for the following fifteen questions. If you answer false, correct the statement to make it true.
1.) Wearing a skirt overtop a pair of pants is an attractive and fashionable choice.
2.) Learning to interpret body language and communication cues is important.
3.) Arguments are vital to any good relationship.
4.) Discussions are vital to any good relationship.
5.) Arguments and discussions are the same thing.
6.) Your cat is very intuitive--probably as intuitive, if not more so, than myself.
7.) Demetri Martin is the best comedian of all time.
8.) A proper relationship requires effort from both sides.
9.) Rationale and reason are the same thing.
10.) You don’t actually need that dress, cute hat, or additional pair of shoes.
11.) Any argument can always be resolved with the proper amount of yelling if the words are vulgar or incoherent.
12.) Properly constructed sentences are important when attempting to persuade someone in a discussion.
13.) Bono is probably the most important political figure of our generation.
14.) Throwing furniture is a legitimate alternative to constructive conversation.
15.) Your conversation with me, in person, is more important than any and all of the texting conversations within your mobile device.
Section Three: Essay (Answer One, 15 Points)
Select one of the following questions and answer it as thoroughly as time will allow. Please try to be as descriptive and complete as possible, include at least two persuading arguments to support your case. Arguments should be backed up with cited evidence, not anecdotal perspective.
1.) If I were a crime-fighting vigilante by night, what efforts would you make to support my case about the rising threat of evil in this city?
2.) Give evidence, citing sources and giving references whenever possible, that you are a laid back person with a good sense of humor, including the ability to appreciate sarcasm.
3.) What is the likelihood that, if called upon to serve your country, you would be able to broker world peace using your charm and good looks alone?
Overview and Instructions
The following exam will be administered to all females that are interested in the pursuit of a relationship with one Alex Laird of Cedarville University in Ohio. Only those exams completed by a female in under the alloted fifty-minute time limit will be reviewed. You will be graded on grammar, spelling, creativity, the ability to construct a proper sentence, and lastly your overall appearance. Please submit all answers via email in a text document as an attachment to both alexdlaird@gmail.com and jenna.woestman@gmail.com. Be sure to mark the email as Urgent and put “ - Girlfriend Potential Test” in the subject line, replacing with your actual name. Include a decent, personal photograph with a minimum resolution of 800x600. Please ensure that your name, number, state of residence, and most recent IQ score are displayed prominently in the upper right-hand corner of the paper. When submitting the completed exam, each question should be copied and pasted with your answer promptly following it.
Please keep in mind that this is not a job application. However, your performance on this exam will very accurately portray your cleverness and most likely your ability to succeed when put in a real work environment. I reserve the right to submit your exam results to any future employer as either a recommendation of your abilities or in jest to show them what you aren’t capable of.
You have fifty minutes to complete this test. Your time starts now.
Section One: Multiple Choice (Answer All, 20 Points)
1.) Finish this lyric. “Apple bottom jeans ...”
A.) With the fur. The whole club was looking at her.
B.) Make me look, like, real hot.
C.) OMG I love that song!
D.) Heaven preserve us ... I’m not finishing that lyric. Do you realize Flo Rida’s name is just Florida with a space dropped in randomly?
2.) I’m going to college:
A.) To get my M-R-S degree.
B.) So I can get a good education and make a difference in the world someday.
C.) Because my parents are paying for it, so why not? I don’t actually plan on applying myself at all.
D.) Because I figured it was better than working at McDonald’s.
E.) ... Wait. I’m not going to college, actually.
3.) We’ve talked every night for several hours (not including the Dinner and a movie we had on Saturday, or the Monday night that I came over and we baked cookies), with conversation time averaging about an hour per night. On a Thursday night, when on a deadline, I express a need to get off the phone so I can finish some work and get to bed at a reasonable hour. You:
A.) Take this as a sign that I’m abandoning you, begin to point out all my flaws and that I clearly have commitment issues, and then cry.
B.) Say goodbye, but manage to do it with such menace and venom that I stay on the phone for another three silent hours, broken only occasionally by fits of gentle weeping and muttered curses.
C.) Say goodbye, but then immediately embark on another conversation entirely, discussing it as thoroughly as is scientifically, legally, or religiously possible so I can’t get a word in edge-wise.
D.) Express your feelings of devotion in three words or less, then quickly say goodbye after confirming plans for tomorrow night are still on.
4.) We’re having a fight. You:
A.) Use my past stupidities against me, even though they are completely irrelevant, I’ve apologized for them, and you said you had forgiven me several months prior.
B.) Give me space when the discussion gets too heated for rational thought, and redress your complaints in a calm manner when we’ve both had a chance to cool down.
C.) Flip me The Bird.
D.) Realize the fight is about nothing, so you begin creating fictional problems and making wild accusations about my obsession with material goods and having a wandering eye.
E.) Both c and d.
5.) I’m going out on a Friday night to hang with a bunch of my buddies. You:
A.) Immediately assume there will be female buddies there as well, that I’m in love with one of them, and become irrationally jealous. You never verbalize this too me, so I’m only lost as you stomp around my apartment and give me the cold shoulder.
B.) See this as a great opportunity to get some things done without me around.
C.) See this as a sign that you are probably just a casual thing that I could toss aside at any given moment, despite the fact that we’ve hung out the last seven evenings and I’ve still somehow managed to write you letters every other day this week.
D.) Ask if you can come along.
E.) Invite yourself and a bunch of your girlfriends along without asking my permission.
F.) Have a girls night. Hanging out with boys all the time isn’t good for anyone.
G.) Both b and f.
6.) In order to attract a male, you would:
A.) Act like a complete ditz. Guys love ditzy girls!
B.) Act superior and arrogant. Guys love it when they’re inferior to a woman.
C.) Act like yourself. Guys love it when a girl is genuine and they don’t have to figure out who she really is after they’ve already fallen for whatever show she put on when they first met.
D.) Wear the least amount of fabric as is legally possible. Guys love seductive girls.
7.) You would date a guy because:
A.) He was extremely attractive. (Hint: This is the wrong answer. God made girls to be attractive, not guys.)
B.) He’s smart!
C.) He’ll probably be rich someday, or he is rich currently.
D.) He was manipulative and somehow managed to convince you that you were in love with him ... So I guess you’re supposed to date?
E.) You had compatible personalities, were able to resolve misunderstandings without the obligatory fist fights, and you found yourself quite smitten with who he was.
8.) You buy clothes based on:
A.) Seventeen Magazine’s top picks.
B.) What’s cute and comfortable and doesn’t look like the sewing machine ran out of thread when it reached your midriff.
C.) Whatever’s newest at Abercrombie.
D.) Nothing. My mom makes them for me.
9.) You’re going clothes shopping, and the only option you have is to take me with you. You:
A.) Ignore the fact that I’m completely and hopelessly bored out of my mind, asking me repeatedly with every outfit you try on, “Does this make me look fat?”
B.) Come up with a creative game plan to help me enjoy shopping with you, keeping in mind that my retail-oriented attention span is about twelve minutes and that I am prone to wandering after flashing lights and shiny things.
C.) Attempt to keep the shopping experience as short as possible, getting only what you absolutely need and trying things on only the minimum number of times (in my opinion, not yours).
D.) Both b and c.
E.) Spontaneously add stores to the list every time we’re about to approach the “almost done” mark. These stores were not discussed prior to leaving the apartment.
10.) Assuming things without asking me to confirm them, and/or making wild and negative accusations off of single statements I make (probably sarcastic statements, at that), and/or putting words in my mouth, and/or twisting words I have previously said to make them sound derogatory are:
A.) All necessary to a healthy relationship and help spur constructive criticism and beneficial arguments.
B.) Expected and rational things to do, especially when you feel cornered or as if you may be losing an argument.
C.) May be good or bad, depending on your current mood, how your week has been going, and whether I asked you about your current mood and how your week has been going.
D.) All completely inappropriate and should never be done under any circumstances. Rational thought is required in every conversation, whether an argument or just casual.
Section Two: True or False (Answer All, 15 Points)
Answer true or false for the following fifteen questions. If you answer false, correct the statement to make it true.
1.) Wearing a skirt overtop a pair of pants is an attractive and fashionable choice.
2.) Learning to interpret body language and communication cues is important.
3.) Arguments are vital to any good relationship.
4.) Discussions are vital to any good relationship.
5.) Arguments and discussions are the same thing.
6.) Your cat is very intuitive--probably as intuitive, if not more so, than myself.
7.) Demetri Martin is the best comedian of all time.
8.) A proper relationship requires effort from both sides.
9.) Rationale and reason are the same thing.
10.) You don’t actually need that dress, cute hat, or additional pair of shoes.
11.) Any argument can always be resolved with the proper amount of yelling if the words are vulgar or incoherent.
12.) Properly constructed sentences are important when attempting to persuade someone in a discussion.
13.) Bono is probably the most important political figure of our generation.
14.) Throwing furniture is a legitimate alternative to constructive conversation.
15.) Your conversation with me, in person, is more important than any and all of the texting conversations within your mobile device.
Section Three: Essay (Answer One, 15 Points)
Select one of the following questions and answer it as thoroughly as time will allow. Please try to be as descriptive and complete as possible, include at least two persuading arguments to support your case. Arguments should be backed up with cited evidence, not anecdotal perspective.
1.) If I were a crime-fighting vigilante by night, what efforts would you make to support my case about the rising threat of evil in this city?
2.) Give evidence, citing sources and giving references whenever possible, that you are a laid back person with a good sense of humor, including the ability to appreciate sarcasm.
3.) What is the likelihood that, if called upon to serve your country, you would be able to broker world peace using your charm and good looks alone?
|
Sixteen Random Facts About Myself
12/05/08 03:36 PM
Alright, fine. Jessica,
you win.
I have this policy against doing such things as these, but I decided I would oblige and respond anyway. But don't think I'm happy about this. Below are sixteen random facts about myself and then sixteen people that I think are awesome. That's the gist of this.
I wish there had been seventeen, I would have then made one ironic one which only said, “I am very long-winded.” Unfortunately, there are only sixteen, and I didn’t want to part with any of them.
One – Friends and family are what I cherish most on Earth. I love spending time with the people that are closest to me, talking and listening. I have one brother, two sisters, and two parents. My siblings are and always will be my very best friends.
Two – I'm majoring in Computer Science, and I'm just nerdy enough to work on side programming projects as well as the required projects from Cedarville. I also love web and graphic design.
Three – I love music. I love movies. I love literature. I consider all of these things art, and I love art. I love the meaning and the interpreting that can be drawn from good art, especially music, and I feel that good art is the most influential thing that can be used to sway a persons opinions and emotions. Just look at the Bible. It's magnificent literature is art. On that note, I'd much rather watch a profound, powerful movie than a movie that mindlessly entertains with cliche humor any day.
Four – I love a good debate, and I love constructive and creative writing. One of my biggest pet peeves is poor writing, especially when someone is trying to use their writing to prove a point. I refuse to listen to your point, no matter how good it may be, if you don't take the time to construct a proper sentence and capitalize your words.
Five – I love pizza. I could probably survive just on pizza (and die early from it) and be completely content. Also, I love soda. I drink it way too much.
Six – I have a tattoo with Greek writing on my wrist. It reads Doulos Xristou Ihsou, which translates to Bondslave of Christ Jesus; what I am to be with my lifestyle.
Seven – I played the violin for five and a half years. This one isn't nearly long enough, so I'm also going to throw in this one for free: I love small children, but unfortunately they usually don't love me. Babies cry when I hold them and as they get older they just seem to be scared of me. Junior and Senior High students, on the other hand, do tend to love me, and someday I want to work with the Youth Group of some church to affect the lives of the next generations as much as those cool twenty-somethings effected mine when I was in high school.
Eight – I really can't stand the cold, but I also hate layers. This is an extremely difficult contradiction when you live in Iowa and go to school in Ohio. Someday I'd love to live somewhere warm near the coast, such as Florida or California. The trouble is I can't stand the liberal whackos that live in California, and I don't think I could ever raise children in that environment.
Nine – On that note, I also can't stand the stark legalism of close-minded, judgmental, right-wing politics either. I choose not to advertise my political views, especially after this last election, as they generally appear to be contradictory to the stereotypical Christian standard. They aren't necessarily, but some people have a difficult time disjointing themselves from their own beliefs long enough to observe the perspective of mine. I guess what you could say is that I despise stereotypes in almost any shape or form.
Ten – I love complete strangers, and I love getting to know people. I'm generally not ashamed of making a fool of myself, so I'll gladly strike up a conversation with anybody.
Eleven – I love wit, sarcasm, and most of the genres humor takes on. Sometimes people don't get along with me right away (or at all) because they take me to seriously, but my motto is, "Only take seriously what life requires." By that I mean that there are certainly times when life requires you to be serious, and to joke around under such circumstances is completely inappropriate. Most of the rest of the situations life will throw at you are probably neutral, and I choose to take them as light heartedly as possible.
Twelve – I love photography and videography, both viewing and capturing. If you ever find a video that the editing and content are simply amazing, or a photograph that is breathtaking, feel free to share it with me.
Thirteen – I love a good adventure (I stole that right from you, Jenna). Whether it's risky, crazy, or just plain insane, I'll probably still be willing to do it. You only live life once, and I intend to take Ecclesiastes as seriously as possible while attempting to maintain a model of the character of Jesus Christ. I have a crazy sister named Jenna who has a nearly identical personality to my own, and we get along very well in this manner. Ashley and Andrew, my other two siblings, also have very similar personalities to each other. Ironically, Jenna's and my peronsalities are frequently in contrast to Ashley and Andrew's personalities, but we still get along great!
Fourteen – I've never been clinically diagnosed with ADD or ADHD, but every amateur test I've ever taken (and perhaps the inconsistent thought patterns I have) evidences that I probably have one of the two, which is probably why each "one" of these random facts is turning out to be more than one. I'm also highly obsessive compulsive, and I like my personal matters, physical and emotional, to be as organized as possible.
Fifteen – I love playing games if it means I get to spend time with you, but I'm really quite bad at them. Luckily, I'm not very competitive either, so I don't mind losing.
Sixteen – I'm the only person I know of that has ever successfully managed to be myself. All other attempts at being have not only failed, but have failed miserably, usually leaving the attempter as an emotional wreck. Please do not ever try to be me. Try to be like me, if you must, but don't try to actually be me. It can only end in disaster.
So there you have it. I hope you enjoyed getting to know me by reading a post instead of conversing with me in person :).
Jessica - Because you practically forced me to write this thing and would have sent me on a guilt trip if I hadn’t *glare*.
Krista - Because you and I share a common love for photography, camp, and Ben. And you’re one of my favorite people.
Ben - Because I love you and you’re not only the best boss anyone could ever ask for, you’re the best friend!
Tyson - Because you remind me of chicken, and I love chicken. It tastes good. Hey, no hard feelings about Ben being the best boss, right?
Joe - Because I miss our meaningful and deep discussions that we had so frequently this summer about.
Kylee - Because you’ve lived twenty minutes away from me for my entire life and I’m sad that I didn’t even meet you until last year, especially since you make such a fantabulous friend!
Emilie - Because you’re the most amazing Freshman on campus, and you also live just twenty minutes away from me. Whether you get to play a lot or not, I still think you’re the best at volleyball.
Kelsey - Because if it weren’t for you, I probably never would have heard about or come to the lovely Cedarville University. Thank you!
Kristi - Because you’re short and feisty, a great friend, and you give the best hugs.
Ryan - Because you have that adorable baby face and I always have a good time with you.
Dave - Because you’re the only person I could think of that would take the latter part of the seventh one completely out of context.
Griffin - Because you’re not in the book, and I just met you this year, so I thought you might be interested in the deepest, darkest secrets of my life.
Gabe - Because I just saw you walk by the Bible building and you’re such an attractive man.
Jenna - Because you’re the only family member that I figured would actually post a response to this yourself.
Evan - Because you’re coming here next year. You do realize you don’t have a choice, right?
Megan - Because you can’t eat Gluten and you let us use your house to cook anyway.
I have this policy against doing such things as these, but I decided I would oblige and respond anyway. But don't think I'm happy about this. Below are sixteen random facts about myself and then sixteen people that I think are awesome. That's the gist of this.
I wish there had been seventeen, I would have then made one ironic one which only said, “I am very long-winded.” Unfortunately, there are only sixteen, and I didn’t want to part with any of them.
One – Friends and family are what I cherish most on Earth. I love spending time with the people that are closest to me, talking and listening. I have one brother, two sisters, and two parents. My siblings are and always will be my very best friends.
Two – I'm majoring in Computer Science, and I'm just nerdy enough to work on side programming projects as well as the required projects from Cedarville. I also love web and graphic design.
Three – I love music. I love movies. I love literature. I consider all of these things art, and I love art. I love the meaning and the interpreting that can be drawn from good art, especially music, and I feel that good art is the most influential thing that can be used to sway a persons opinions and emotions. Just look at the Bible. It's magnificent literature is art. On that note, I'd much rather watch a profound, powerful movie than a movie that mindlessly entertains with cliche humor any day.
Four – I love a good debate, and I love constructive and creative writing. One of my biggest pet peeves is poor writing, especially when someone is trying to use their writing to prove a point. I refuse to listen to your point, no matter how good it may be, if you don't take the time to construct a proper sentence and capitalize your words.
Five – I love pizza. I could probably survive just on pizza (and die early from it) and be completely content. Also, I love soda. I drink it way too much.
Six – I have a tattoo with Greek writing on my wrist. It reads Doulos Xristou Ihsou, which translates to Bondslave of Christ Jesus; what I am to be with my lifestyle.
Seven – I played the violin for five and a half years. This one isn't nearly long enough, so I'm also going to throw in this one for free: I love small children, but unfortunately they usually don't love me. Babies cry when I hold them and as they get older they just seem to be scared of me. Junior and Senior High students, on the other hand, do tend to love me, and someday I want to work with the Youth Group of some church to affect the lives of the next generations as much as those cool twenty-somethings effected mine when I was in high school.
Eight – I really can't stand the cold, but I also hate layers. This is an extremely difficult contradiction when you live in Iowa and go to school in Ohio. Someday I'd love to live somewhere warm near the coast, such as Florida or California. The trouble is I can't stand the liberal whackos that live in California, and I don't think I could ever raise children in that environment.
Nine – On that note, I also can't stand the stark legalism of close-minded, judgmental, right-wing politics either. I choose not to advertise my political views, especially after this last election, as they generally appear to be contradictory to the stereotypical Christian standard. They aren't necessarily, but some people have a difficult time disjointing themselves from their own beliefs long enough to observe the perspective of mine. I guess what you could say is that I despise stereotypes in almost any shape or form.
Ten – I love complete strangers, and I love getting to know people. I'm generally not ashamed of making a fool of myself, so I'll gladly strike up a conversation with anybody.
Eleven – I love wit, sarcasm, and most of the genres humor takes on. Sometimes people don't get along with me right away (or at all) because they take me to seriously, but my motto is, "Only take seriously what life requires." By that I mean that there are certainly times when life requires you to be serious, and to joke around under such circumstances is completely inappropriate. Most of the rest of the situations life will throw at you are probably neutral, and I choose to take them as light heartedly as possible.
Twelve – I love photography and videography, both viewing and capturing. If you ever find a video that the editing and content are simply amazing, or a photograph that is breathtaking, feel free to share it with me.
Thirteen – I love a good adventure (I stole that right from you, Jenna). Whether it's risky, crazy, or just plain insane, I'll probably still be willing to do it. You only live life once, and I intend to take Ecclesiastes as seriously as possible while attempting to maintain a model of the character of Jesus Christ. I have a crazy sister named Jenna who has a nearly identical personality to my own, and we get along very well in this manner. Ashley and Andrew, my other two siblings, also have very similar personalities to each other. Ironically, Jenna's and my peronsalities are frequently in contrast to Ashley and Andrew's personalities, but we still get along great!
Fourteen – I've never been clinically diagnosed with ADD or ADHD, but every amateur test I've ever taken (and perhaps the inconsistent thought patterns I have) evidences that I probably have one of the two, which is probably why each "one" of these random facts is turning out to be more than one. I'm also highly obsessive compulsive, and I like my personal matters, physical and emotional, to be as organized as possible.
Fifteen – I love playing games if it means I get to spend time with you, but I'm really quite bad at them. Luckily, I'm not very competitive either, so I don't mind losing.
Sixteen – I'm the only person I know of that has ever successfully managed to be myself. All other attempts at being have not only failed, but have failed miserably, usually leaving the attempter as an emotional wreck. Please do not ever try to be me. Try to be like me, if you must, but don't try to actually be me. It can only end in disaster.
So there you have it. I hope you enjoyed getting to know me by reading a post instead of conversing with me in person :).
Jessica - Because you practically forced me to write this thing and would have sent me on a guilt trip if I hadn’t *glare*.
Krista - Because you and I share a common love for photography, camp, and Ben. And you’re one of my favorite people.
Ben - Because I love you and you’re not only the best boss anyone could ever ask for, you’re the best friend!
Tyson - Because you remind me of chicken, and I love chicken. It tastes good. Hey, no hard feelings about Ben being the best boss, right?
Joe - Because I miss our meaningful and deep discussions that we had so frequently this summer about.
Kylee - Because you’ve lived twenty minutes away from me for my entire life and I’m sad that I didn’t even meet you until last year, especially since you make such a fantabulous friend!
Emilie - Because you’re the most amazing Freshman on campus, and you also live just twenty minutes away from me. Whether you get to play a lot or not, I still think you’re the best at volleyball.
Kelsey - Because if it weren’t for you, I probably never would have heard about or come to the lovely Cedarville University. Thank you!
Kristi - Because you’re short and feisty, a great friend, and you give the best hugs.
Ryan - Because you have that adorable baby face and I always have a good time with you.
Dave - Because you’re the only person I could think of that would take the latter part of the seventh one completely out of context.
Griffin - Because you’re not in the book, and I just met you this year, so I thought you might be interested in the deepest, darkest secrets of my life.
Gabe - Because I just saw you walk by the Bible building and you’re such an attractive man.
Jenna - Because you’re the only family member that I figured would actually post a response to this yourself.
Evan - Because you’re coming here next year. You do realize you don’t have a choice, right?
Megan - Because you can’t eat Gluten and you let us use your house to cook anyway.
My Icky and Cold Morning
11/19/08 09:32 AM
This morning, as I left
my dorm room and headed to work, the temperature was
below 25 degrees, and I shudder to even
speculate at what the wind chill was.
That being said, I was forced to don my coat, gloves, and soft hat this morning, even though they didn't match the rest of my outfit. It's a sad day when I'm forced to bust out the coat ...
That being said, I was forced to don my coat, gloves, and soft hat this morning, even though they didn't match the rest of my outfit. It's a sad day when I'm forced to bust out the coat ...
I Am Alex's Inability to Concentrate
11/18/08 07:27 PM
I have an Old Testament
exam I should be studying for. You can’t blame me too
much for not studying right now. I’m in class right
now learning about Binary Search Trees and balancing
an AVL Tree. The classroom is too warm, and the
weather outside is too cold. Somewhere trapped
between the two extremes is my inability to think
straight and the cause of my obnoxious sweating. Like
most rooms at Cedarville, this one is filled with
distractions. There’s the huge windows which allow me
to look down toward the Milner and Tyler buildings.
There’s that comfy and hideous couch in the corner
which no one ever sits in and everyone wonders why
it’s even in the room. There’s my notebook paper,
which can easily be shredded into a million pieces
throughout the course of a class period; it’s amazing
how many ways you can rip a small piece of paper.
Then, of course, there’s my laptop, which is an
infinite source of distraction. Although it’s not
necessarily all these distractions that are the
source of my inability to focus. They just feed it
when it’s hungry.
I am Alex’s inability to concentrate. Merely a child of his ADD mind and obsessive compulsive characteristics. I’m the reason he counts his steps. I’m the reason he over thinks every situation. I’m the reason he studies minute details that nobody else notices. I’m the reason he walks in syncopation with the music on his headphones. And in a contrasting sort of way, I’m the reason he can’t concentrate on nothing and fall asleep at night.
I make him run potential conversations over in his head, taking every possibly path the conversation might take, traversing every possible scenario even past the point of literal and ethical standards. And I’m also the reason he forgets all the scenarios when finally presented with the aforementioned conversation. I scatter his thoughts and make him forget the sentences he had so carefully constructed.
I’m the reason he taps his foot, shakes his arm, or twitches his hand when most people sit still. I’m the cause of his intermittent thought patterns. I’m the cause of his dazing off, staring at nothing for minutes on end. And I extend far beyond his academic life.
I probably make him feel crazy most of the time, but that’s my job. I’m just doing what I’m meant to do.
I am Alex’s inability to concentrate. Merely a child of his ADD mind and obsessive compulsive characteristics. I’m the reason he counts his steps. I’m the reason he over thinks every situation. I’m the reason he studies minute details that nobody else notices. I’m the reason he walks in syncopation with the music on his headphones. And in a contrasting sort of way, I’m the reason he can’t concentrate on nothing and fall asleep at night.
I make him run potential conversations over in his head, taking every possibly path the conversation might take, traversing every possible scenario even past the point of literal and ethical standards. And I’m also the reason he forgets all the scenarios when finally presented with the aforementioned conversation. I scatter his thoughts and make him forget the sentences he had so carefully constructed.
I’m the reason he taps his foot, shakes his arm, or twitches his hand when most people sit still. I’m the cause of his intermittent thought patterns. I’m the cause of his dazing off, staring at nothing for minutes on end. And I extend far beyond his academic life.
I probably make him feel crazy most of the time, but that’s my job. I’m just doing what I’m meant to do.
Unnecessary Quotation Marks
11/17/08 11:51 AM
I have this thing where
I “can’t stand” it when people use quotation marks
unnecessarily (unless it’s for ironic purposes, of
course). So, of course, when I saw this sign, it was
one of the happiest moments of my life.
There is an entire blog dedicated to the exploiting
the misuses of quotation marks. Check it out
here.
Grandparent's Day
11/14/08 12:37 PM
I know, Grandparent's
Day is the first Sunday after Labor Day, which would
be back in September or something. But here at
Cedarville, Grandparent's Day is today! It's true!
Today is the day we celebrate our grandparents,
though I celebrate mine every day of the year :).
Today we had Grandparent's Chapel where we recognized all the grandparents present; we even showed a video of students all over campus talking about why they loved their grandparents. I tried finding the video, but it isn't on our Student Government's website and I can't find it on YouTube, so I guess I'll just have to describe it, if at all possible.
Well, Liz was walking around with the camera and microphone on Monday, and she found me. I'm always more than willing to gloat about my grandparents, so I said a few words about why I love mine. Unfortunately, they cut out my comment about how my Grandparents Laird have been married for over fifty years, which I think is amazingly awesome, but that's alright.
So, why do I love my grandparents? Well, first and foremost, it's they're examples to all of us children as to what a relationship with Christ should look like. Not only that, another encouraging thing is how evident it is that they're interested in their grandchildren's lives (that's me)! On the video, Grandpa, I commented on how you're always technologically savvy and how you even have an iPhone, which you frighteningly use to text me and others while driving. (Sorry, everyone laughed ... You really shouldn't text and drive, you know. There are laws.)
My Grandpa Laird is a great guy with a sense of humor similar to my own, so we get along great for that reason. I like to think he’s a genius. He has been successful in life and always knows the answers to my questions when I call him to ask him things, usually relating to politics or government. We exchange knowledge in that way; I give him computer help and he gives me political help. If he doesn’t know the answer, he’ll find it for me. I said it above, but I’ll say it specifically, my Grandpa Laird loves the Lord with everything in him. He and my Grandma pray together regularly, and he loves to share Christ with people. For a few years he was a pastor, though I wasn’t alive at the time, so I don’t really remember it. I love talking about religious things with him as well as politics. (Just ask him about Christmas … It’s fun *wink*). In general, he’s just a fun guy to converse with, no matter what the subject matter.
My Grandma Laird loves to take us shopping. She loves to spoil us (but in a good way). Whenever we're going to be visiting my grandma on my dad's side, we'll always receive a call the week before asking what sorts of sugary cereals we want to eat while we're there. (Mom never would buy us Lucky Charms.) Ice cream? She'll get it. Pizza? We'll order it. My grandparent's house was the only place I ever really watched cable TV because we didn't have it. We had a TV, but it only had local channels, and I rarely ever even watched them. So when we visited my grandparents, we would always wake up early and watch the morning cartoons. Grandma Laird is a wonderful woman who loves the Lord just like her husband, and not only does she share God’s love with people whenever she can get the chance, she’s encouraging to us grandchildren as well to persevere through trials and maintain a right relationship with God.
My mom’s mom, Grandma Richardson, is the cutest little grandma ever. I got a card in the mail from her the other day, and she went on to describe the cows, the chickens, what my mom was doing, and how my family was, since I wasn't there to see them. She gives splendid hugs, and caring for others is her specialty. Grandma loves God and she loves everyone around her, and she’s a special one with which no one else can compare. She knows all of her grandchildren and great grand children, which is saying quite a bit because she has a lot. When I say she knows them, I mean she knows great details about each of them. She makes it a point to keep up with her family’s lives, and that’s a true blessing.
My Grandpa Richardson, who went to be with Jesus a few years ago, had the biggest heart for God I think I've ever seen in anyone. In his younger years, he was a Baptist pastor (I guess I’m surrounded by them), and he has always served the Lord with all his strength, even when his strength was waning. My favorite thing to do with him was to sit on the couch next to his chair, pick up the Bible, open it to a random location and read a random passage. Then I would ask him the reference. You could see the wheels turning in his mind, even when it took him a few minutes to respond, but if he couldn't nail it down to the exact reference, he could at least tell you the book and probably even the chapter. Additionally, he was able to give you the context of the verse and why it was significant. (Those were free, you didn't even have to ask him and he just would tell you that.) He was truly an amazing man.
All of my grandparents are amazing. They all care about us and love us, and they're all interested in our lives. Let's face it, without my grandparents, I wouldn't be where I am today, and neither would my parents. You're all amazing people who have poured your lives into not only each other and others but also into your grandchildren, and you've made a huge difference in my life. I love you all very much!
Today we had Grandparent's Chapel where we recognized all the grandparents present; we even showed a video of students all over campus talking about why they loved their grandparents. I tried finding the video, but it isn't on our Student Government's website and I can't find it on YouTube, so I guess I'll just have to describe it, if at all possible.
Well, Liz was walking around with the camera and microphone on Monday, and she found me. I'm always more than willing to gloat about my grandparents, so I said a few words about why I love mine. Unfortunately, they cut out my comment about how my Grandparents Laird have been married for over fifty years, which I think is amazingly awesome, but that's alright.
So, why do I love my grandparents? Well, first and foremost, it's they're examples to all of us children as to what a relationship with Christ should look like. Not only that, another encouraging thing is how evident it is that they're interested in their grandchildren's lives (that's me)! On the video, Grandpa, I commented on how you're always technologically savvy and how you even have an iPhone, which you frighteningly use to text me and others while driving. (Sorry, everyone laughed ... You really shouldn't text and drive, you know. There are laws.)
My Grandpa Laird is a great guy with a sense of humor similar to my own, so we get along great for that reason. I like to think he’s a genius. He has been successful in life and always knows the answers to my questions when I call him to ask him things, usually relating to politics or government. We exchange knowledge in that way; I give him computer help and he gives me political help. If he doesn’t know the answer, he’ll find it for me. I said it above, but I’ll say it specifically, my Grandpa Laird loves the Lord with everything in him. He and my Grandma pray together regularly, and he loves to share Christ with people. For a few years he was a pastor, though I wasn’t alive at the time, so I don’t really remember it. I love talking about religious things with him as well as politics. (Just ask him about Christmas … It’s fun *wink*). In general, he’s just a fun guy to converse with, no matter what the subject matter.
My Grandma Laird loves to take us shopping. She loves to spoil us (but in a good way). Whenever we're going to be visiting my grandma on my dad's side, we'll always receive a call the week before asking what sorts of sugary cereals we want to eat while we're there. (Mom never would buy us Lucky Charms.) Ice cream? She'll get it. Pizza? We'll order it. My grandparent's house was the only place I ever really watched cable TV because we didn't have it. We had a TV, but it only had local channels, and I rarely ever even watched them. So when we visited my grandparents, we would always wake up early and watch the morning cartoons. Grandma Laird is a wonderful woman who loves the Lord just like her husband, and not only does she share God’s love with people whenever she can get the chance, she’s encouraging to us grandchildren as well to persevere through trials and maintain a right relationship with God.
My mom’s mom, Grandma Richardson, is the cutest little grandma ever. I got a card in the mail from her the other day, and she went on to describe the cows, the chickens, what my mom was doing, and how my family was, since I wasn't there to see them. She gives splendid hugs, and caring for others is her specialty. Grandma loves God and she loves everyone around her, and she’s a special one with which no one else can compare. She knows all of her grandchildren and great grand children, which is saying quite a bit because she has a lot. When I say she knows them, I mean she knows great details about each of them. She makes it a point to keep up with her family’s lives, and that’s a true blessing.
My Grandpa Richardson, who went to be with Jesus a few years ago, had the biggest heart for God I think I've ever seen in anyone. In his younger years, he was a Baptist pastor (I guess I’m surrounded by them), and he has always served the Lord with all his strength, even when his strength was waning. My favorite thing to do with him was to sit on the couch next to his chair, pick up the Bible, open it to a random location and read a random passage. Then I would ask him the reference. You could see the wheels turning in his mind, even when it took him a few minutes to respond, but if he couldn't nail it down to the exact reference, he could at least tell you the book and probably even the chapter. Additionally, he was able to give you the context of the verse and why it was significant. (Those were free, you didn't even have to ask him and he just would tell you that.) He was truly an amazing man.
All of my grandparents are amazing. They all care about us and love us, and they're all interested in our lives. Let's face it, without my grandparents, I wouldn't be where I am today, and neither would my parents. You're all amazing people who have poured your lives into not only each other and others but also into your grandchildren, and you've made a huge difference in my life. I love you all very much!
New Posts On Dave and Alex's Happy Fun-Time Blog
11/13/08 08:50 PM
Since I have yet to
take the time to route the Dave and Alex’s Happy
Fun-Time Blog RSS feed into this blog, I’ll just have
to include links to my most recent posts on the blog.
Here you go.
Things I’ve Seen, Pt. 3
Things I’ve Seen, Pt. 4
Things I’ve Heard, Pt. 2
Read up. I strongly suggest Things I’ve Heard, Pt. 2, which relates to recent ridiculous comments on the election. Gotta love ‘em!
Things I’ve Seen, Pt. 3
Things I’ve Seen, Pt. 4
Things I’ve Heard, Pt. 2
Read up. I strongly suggest Things I’ve Heard, Pt. 2, which relates to recent ridiculous comments on the election. Gotta love ‘em!
Crazy 8s! (Jenna Made Me Do This ...)
11/13/08 12:26 PM
It appears as though
I’ve been randomly selected to do one of these survey
things by none other than my annoying sister, Jenna.
Alright, here goes nothing. (After reviewing this, I
realized Jenna and I wrote the same thing before
starting ... That was not intended and has officially
creeped me out.)
8 TV Show I Love to Watch:
And I’m not tagging anyone else in this. Just because I don’t feel like it :).
8 TV Show I Love to Watch:
- The Simpsons
- The Office
- Arrested Development
- Lost
- 30 Rock
- Family Guy
- Gilmore Girls
- Stella
- Panda Express
- Red Robin
- Panera Bread
- Chipotle
- Cheesecake Factory
- Fazoli’s
- Zio Johnos
- Pizza Hut
- Kicked a Java exam in the butt
- Had a Caramel Latte
- Went to chapel
- Blogged about my free coffee from Dr. Miller
- Ate lunch
- Discussed plans for Dave and I’s movie
- Went to work
- Watched The Office
- Graduation
- Passing Calculus
- Moving back to Iowa
- Getting a full time job
- Listening to music
- Dave and I’s movie
- Turkey Break
- Christmas Break
- Working on a project that changes the way we use technology
- Working with the youth at my church
- Making a difference in a High Schoolers life
- Working for Apple or Google
- Being arrested for something I didn’t do. Just because the experience would be sweet, but I don’t actually want to break the law.
- Going to a Coldplay or U2 concert
- To be an Uncle
- The dress code to be dropped (or at least significantly lessened) at Cedarville
And I’m not tagging anyone else in this. Just because I don’t feel like it :).
My Claim to Fame
11/08/08 10:09 PM
So, today I posted on
Jenna’s blog. It was my very first guest appearance,
and it was pretty great. She totally doesn’t even
know what I wrote yet, which is the best part. (It
pays to know your sister’s password, I tell you
what.)
Don’t worry ... I was actually doing her a favor, since she needs to post every single day during the month of November to be eligible for something thing. I noticed she hadn’t posted yet today, so I posted for her. It’s as easy as that.
Here’s my post.
Don’t worry ... I was actually doing her a favor, since she needs to post every single day during the month of November to be eligible for something thing. I noticed she hadn’t posted yet today, so I posted for her. It’s as easy as that.
Here’s my post.
No-Shave November
11/06/08 02:45 PM
I used to really be
into nostalgia.
The other day I was reminiscing about my childhood. I try to do it regularly, thinking about the time I walked out onto our red back porch in the old house, looked over the rail and asked my mother, “Mom, if I jump off this, will I die?” (Oh, the questions you put up with, Mom ...) Or the time I colored all over the door to the toy room with sidewalk chalk; my older siblings had locked me out because I would have ruined their fun. Then there was the time I climbed on the wall at the library only to fall tumbling to the ground (it was about three feet high ...), landing on my face and breaking my tooth; we were on the way to Chicago, and my siblings were not pleased with me. My brother and I used to have this imaginary world which we dubbed “Nutkin.” We acted out the characters with different hand shapes and made them talk. It drove Jenna crazy!
Specifically, I remember always wanting a beard when I was a little boy. For some reason that is beyond my comprehension these days (but somehow made perfect sense to my feeble mind), I thought facial hair was the coolest thing. I think most little boys do, probably, and maybe some little girls ... Who knows? At some point I decided a beard may be too much, and I decided I just wanted a mustache. A mustache which, if worn these days, would make me look like an absolute creeper, but every little boy has a dream, right?
See, my Dad has a lot of facial hair. He shaves every day because it grows so fast and so thick. I always wished he would just grow it out, because I think he would look like the coolest dude if he did. Then I saw pictures of when he had grown it out and decided it was OK for him to keep it shaved. Not that he looked bad, I just realized I was used to him not having facial hair and it would just be weird if he had it. But every once in a while we would go on vacation or something and he would let it grow out. And if we were especially good, he would let us crawl up on his lap and feel it’s scruffiness with our hands. This just made me want facial hair even more.
No more! Why did I ever want facial hair? This is a message to every little boy out there who thinks he wants facial hair. If you have thick facial hair, you have to shave every day if you don’t want it to look icky. Unless you want to grow it out, in which case you could trim it every day until it’s a proper length; then you have to continue trimming it regularly so it doesn’t get out of control: Example. But until it gets to a certain point, your facial hair will be scratchy beyond belief. Quite annoying.
So, there’s this thing called No-Shave November which presents a solution to this problem. It’s pretty simple, really. You just don’t shave for the entire month. Girls are encouraged to participate, though as soon as we tell them to they all say the same thing: “Trust me, you don’t want me to not shave.” Actually, I wouldn’t care. I probably don’t touch your legs very often, and even if I did ... Isn’t that the point of No-Shave? To be gross? You never here us say that, and you actually have to look at our hair. But I digress. Let’s be honest, most participants in No-Shave don’t maintain their facial hair at all, so they just look like bums for a month. (Yah, that’s right, I’m talking to you.)
This is why I’m not participating. I don’t want to feel itchy for weeks until it finally gets smooth, all the while looking like a hobo. I will continue to shave throughout the month of November and that’s all there is to it.
The other day I was reminiscing about my childhood. I try to do it regularly, thinking about the time I walked out onto our red back porch in the old house, looked over the rail and asked my mother, “Mom, if I jump off this, will I die?” (Oh, the questions you put up with, Mom ...) Or the time I colored all over the door to the toy room with sidewalk chalk; my older siblings had locked me out because I would have ruined their fun. Then there was the time I climbed on the wall at the library only to fall tumbling to the ground (it was about three feet high ...), landing on my face and breaking my tooth; we were on the way to Chicago, and my siblings were not pleased with me. My brother and I used to have this imaginary world which we dubbed “Nutkin.” We acted out the characters with different hand shapes and made them talk. It drove Jenna crazy!
Specifically, I remember always wanting a beard when I was a little boy. For some reason that is beyond my comprehension these days (but somehow made perfect sense to my feeble mind), I thought facial hair was the coolest thing. I think most little boys do, probably, and maybe some little girls ... Who knows? At some point I decided a beard may be too much, and I decided I just wanted a mustache. A mustache which, if worn these days, would make me look like an absolute creeper, but every little boy has a dream, right?
See, my Dad has a lot of facial hair. He shaves every day because it grows so fast and so thick. I always wished he would just grow it out, because I think he would look like the coolest dude if he did. Then I saw pictures of when he had grown it out and decided it was OK for him to keep it shaved. Not that he looked bad, I just realized I was used to him not having facial hair and it would just be weird if he had it. But every once in a while we would go on vacation or something and he would let it grow out. And if we were especially good, he would let us crawl up on his lap and feel it’s scruffiness with our hands. This just made me want facial hair even more.
No more! Why did I ever want facial hair? This is a message to every little boy out there who thinks he wants facial hair. If you have thick facial hair, you have to shave every day if you don’t want it to look icky. Unless you want to grow it out, in which case you could trim it every day until it’s a proper length; then you have to continue trimming it regularly so it doesn’t get out of control: Example. But until it gets to a certain point, your facial hair will be scratchy beyond belief. Quite annoying.
So, there’s this thing called No-Shave November which presents a solution to this problem. It’s pretty simple, really. You just don’t shave for the entire month. Girls are encouraged to participate, though as soon as we tell them to they all say the same thing: “Trust me, you don’t want me to not shave.” Actually, I wouldn’t care. I probably don’t touch your legs very often, and even if I did ... Isn’t that the point of No-Shave? To be gross? You never here us say that, and you actually have to look at our hair. But I digress. Let’s be honest, most participants in No-Shave don’t maintain their facial hair at all, so they just look like bums for a month. (Yah, that’s right, I’m talking to you.)
This is why I’m not participating. I don’t want to feel itchy for weeks until it finally gets smooth, all the while looking like a hobo. I will continue to shave throughout the month of November and that’s all there is to it.
The 2008 Election Is Over ... Finally
11/05/08 07:55 AM
It looks like
we will finally have a new President come
January, and quite a bit of change to come with
that!
I'm baffled by how many people seem to have fallen victim to the silly catch phrase "Yes We Can!" or Obama's claim to "bring change to our nation." Listen, any President will bring change. Claim something significant. And "Yes We Can!" just sounds like a slogan off of Bob the Builder.
But enough bashing of our new President-to-be. That's actually not what I wanted to talk about anyway, I just had to get it out.
Hopefully for the last several months you've been praying that God's will would be done, not that John McCain would be our next President. (I'm looking at you, Conservative Republican-Voting Christians!) That's probably not the right way to go aabout it, and anyway, I believe that God's will has been done.
One thing I'm pretty excited about now that the election is finally past is that your cheesy Facebook statuses will go away. Seriously ... Let me just give you a few examples to prove my point without using any names. (The names that are used below are only because I know the people wouldn't care and because they were one of the few being positive about the election.)
Jane Doe is scared for his country.
Seeing as how we're the most powerful country in the world, this may be a good feeling to have. And change is always a scary thing, for the good or bad. Though, as V for Vendetta, "People should not be afraid of their governments; governments should be afraid of their people." In general, however, I don't think you need to be scared of Obama. He's going to do what's best for our country. That's what we elected him to do.
Jane Doe is thinking America is retarded. The only difference between Obama and Osama is B.S.
This sounds like something I would have heard as a joke back in Junior High. But I think she actually may believe it. Anyway, this is ridiculously racist, since about the only thing that's similar between the two of them is that they have darker skin. Please don't try to bring up any bogus remarks about Obama's ties with terrorist organizations now.
Also, prior to the heat of the election, Microsoft Word auto-corrected "Obama" to "Osama" because it didn't know the word, but this has been fixed since then. True story.
John Doe is praying that his country is not really this ignorant.
Probably not. We're not all complete idiots, we know what we voted for.
John Doe congradulates Al-Qaeda.
Honestly, Brad, what school do you go to? You can't even spell congratulate ...
John Doe knows this country needs a lot of prayer now.
I hope that you pray for our country all the time and would have been praying for our country just as much had McCain won. Everything always need all the prayer we can give it.
Jane Doe is here comes socialism.
By the way, Facebook finally removed the obligatory "is", so you could change it to "Jane Doe says" and it would sound even better. Anyway, last time I checked we're still a Democracy and always will be.
John Doe is very scared for the fate of the free world.
Still free. That's why we elected a new President, because we can and we have the right to.
John Doe likes babies. Go McCain!
I like babies as well! They're cute and wiggly and they go "coo" a lot. But, wait, aren't we talking about an election here? As in, who's going to lead our country? Sorry if this sounds harsh, but this isn't a single-issue election, and those who vote based upon a single issue bother me. We voted for the person who could best lead our country in every situation.
John Doe is begining to question peoples christianity who are voting for obama...you fools are unbelievable.
Your status is unbelievable. Last time I checked, God doesn't vote. He doesn't even believe in democracy.
John Doe hopes that by this time tomorrow we can ALL unite under the leadership of whoever wins, whether it's McCain or Obama.
Finally, a mature status! Thanks, Dan, you rock. That's the kind of attitude we need.
John Doe is still proud to be an American, because, last time he checked, he was still free.
Nice, Keenan! You certainly are, and that's the kind of attitude we need here.
Jane Doe is ENGAGED!!!!
Apparently not everyone was thinking about the election last night. Congratulations to my good friends Mr. and Mrs. (to be) David Benson :)! Honestly, any guy who writes "Will You Marry Me?" in flaming napalm on the ground has MY vote. And apparently hers, since she said yes :).
OK, there are countless statuses that bothered me because they were so closed-minded or inconsiderate of other people or God's sovereignty. Or did everyone suddenly forget that we live under the rule of an all-powerful God?
What bothered me most last night was how quickly McCain withdrew from the race. I mean, obviously he was going to lose ... That was predictable around 9:00pm. But it just seemed weak to bow out so quickly. On the flip side, what was it with hundreds of thousands of his supports booing him when he announced his support for our next President, Barack Obama? That's support, huh? I think it's silly he pulled out so soon, but I at least support his decision.
Anyway, you all should have voted for Cox/Laird ’08 last night. But seriously, hopefully people's statuses will soon go back to pointless banter about their upcoming tests, how some girl is annoying them, or the horrible food at Chuck's. Things that don't matter, and things that don't sarcasticly point fingers of blame at fellow believers.
By the way. I voted for John McCain. And I support Barack Obama.
I'm baffled by how many people seem to have fallen victim to the silly catch phrase "Yes We Can!" or Obama's claim to "bring change to our nation." Listen, any President will bring change. Claim something significant. And "Yes We Can!" just sounds like a slogan off of Bob the Builder.
But enough bashing of our new President-to-be. That's actually not what I wanted to talk about anyway, I just had to get it out.
Hopefully for the last several months you've been praying that God's will would be done, not that John McCain would be our next President. (I'm looking at you, Conservative Republican-Voting Christians!) That's probably not the right way to go aabout it, and anyway, I believe that God's will has been done.
One thing I'm pretty excited about now that the election is finally past is that your cheesy Facebook statuses will go away. Seriously ... Let me just give you a few examples to prove my point without using any names. (The names that are used below are only because I know the people wouldn't care and because they were one of the few being positive about the election.)
Jane Doe is scared for his country.
Seeing as how we're the most powerful country in the world, this may be a good feeling to have. And change is always a scary thing, for the good or bad. Though, as V for Vendetta, "People should not be afraid of their governments; governments should be afraid of their people." In general, however, I don't think you need to be scared of Obama. He's going to do what's best for our country. That's what we elected him to do.
Jane Doe is thinking America is retarded. The only difference between Obama and Osama is B.S.
This sounds like something I would have heard as a joke back in Junior High. But I think she actually may believe it. Anyway, this is ridiculously racist, since about the only thing that's similar between the two of them is that they have darker skin. Please don't try to bring up any bogus remarks about Obama's ties with terrorist organizations now.
Also, prior to the heat of the election, Microsoft Word auto-corrected "Obama" to "Osama" because it didn't know the word, but this has been fixed since then. True story.
John Doe is praying that his country is not really this ignorant.
Probably not. We're not all complete idiots, we know what we voted for.
John Doe congradulates Al-Qaeda.
Honestly, Brad, what school do you go to? You can't even spell congratulate ...
John Doe knows this country needs a lot of prayer now.
I hope that you pray for our country all the time and would have been praying for our country just as much had McCain won. Everything always need all the prayer we can give it.
Jane Doe is here comes socialism.
By the way, Facebook finally removed the obligatory "is", so you could change it to "Jane Doe says" and it would sound even better. Anyway, last time I checked we're still a Democracy and always will be.
John Doe is very scared for the fate of the free world.
Still free. That's why we elected a new President, because we can and we have the right to.
John Doe likes babies. Go McCain!
I like babies as well! They're cute and wiggly and they go "coo" a lot. But, wait, aren't we talking about an election here? As in, who's going to lead our country? Sorry if this sounds harsh, but this isn't a single-issue election, and those who vote based upon a single issue bother me. We voted for the person who could best lead our country in every situation.
John Doe is begining to question peoples christianity who are voting for obama...you fools are unbelievable.
Your status is unbelievable. Last time I checked, God doesn't vote. He doesn't even believe in democracy.
John Doe hopes that by this time tomorrow we can ALL unite under the leadership of whoever wins, whether it's McCain or Obama.
Finally, a mature status! Thanks, Dan, you rock. That's the kind of attitude we need.
John Doe is still proud to be an American, because, last time he checked, he was still free.
Nice, Keenan! You certainly are, and that's the kind of attitude we need here.
Jane Doe is ENGAGED!!!!
Apparently not everyone was thinking about the election last night. Congratulations to my good friends Mr. and Mrs. (to be) David Benson :)! Honestly, any guy who writes "Will You Marry Me?" in flaming napalm on the ground has MY vote. And apparently hers, since she said yes :).
OK, there are countless statuses that bothered me because they were so closed-minded or inconsiderate of other people or God's sovereignty. Or did everyone suddenly forget that we live under the rule of an all-powerful God?
What bothered me most last night was how quickly McCain withdrew from the race. I mean, obviously he was going to lose ... That was predictable around 9:00pm. But it just seemed weak to bow out so quickly. On the flip side, what was it with hundreds of thousands of his supports booing him when he announced his support for our next President, Barack Obama? That's support, huh? I think it's silly he pulled out so soon, but I at least support his decision.
Anyway, you all should have voted for Cox/Laird ’08 last night. But seriously, hopefully people's statuses will soon go back to pointless banter about their upcoming tests, how some girl is annoying them, or the horrible food at Chuck's. Things that don't matter, and things that don't sarcasticly point fingers of blame at fellow believers.
By the way. I voted for John McCain. And I support Barack Obama.
My Generation
11/01/08 01:35 PM
I’ve noticed quite a
few irritating trends that seem to be emerging quite
heavily in my generation. And perhaps the most
frustrating notion is the fact that I notice them in
myself as well.
This is a unique generation. We do as we will, we think as we please, and you really can’t tell us to do otherwise. We find ridiculous things funny, we get amusement out of the most childish things, and we’re always right. Always. You can try to educate us, but our minds will hardly be swayed. Pardon the overt cliche, but my generation is, in fact, the post modern generation. Or, at the very least, the most post modern we’ve seen yet. One can only imagine what the next generation, or the generation following that, will be like if this is what my generation has become. And since my generation is the one that will be molding the minds of the next, or at least trying to, it seems inevitable.
When I say you can try to educate us, I’m not implying that we’re stupid. Granted, statistics will tell you that the current generation being schooled in America is the dumbest yet, but we have ingenuity wrapped up in our brains somewhere. What I mean is that, when you try to get us to understand your ways, we’re closed minded. Or maybe we’re too open minded and that’s the problem. And maybe that’s the biggest misunderstanding; my generation is a paradox.
So, what makes us so unique? I’ve tried to come up with the most obvious traits that seem to be evident in most of my generation. Not all of them are, mind you, and some of them may seem as though I’ve taken them to the extreme, but I’m trying to make a point that I think needs to be made.The most disturbing thing I find in all this is that the below attributes seem to be just as commonly found in Christian circles as they are in non-Christian circles. It’s like my entire generation has become numb, not just the secular portion of my generation.
You’re Actually Wrong
We love to be the ones to have the right answer. We love to know everything. So much so, in fact, that we feel the urge to correct you about everything you say.
When I was younger, my older brother used to always ask, “What time is it?” I would reply something like, “It’s 2:47.” Andrew would huff and roll his eyes stating irritatedly, “Alex, you don’t have to give the exact time. Just round it to 2:45 like normal people.” He had this thing with trying make me not feel like a normal person. It took me quite a while to get the idea, but I finally caught on.
Today, things seem to be just the opposite. If you aren’t exact, you aren’t right at all. We’ve become so literal. But the trouble is, you see, you can’t be exactly right. Only we can, and that’s why we feel the urge to correct you, because we’re the ones who really know. It gives us a sense of pride, proving to you how much we know.
That’s Just Your Opinion, Which May Also be Right
On the occasion, you may say something and actually be right in some statement you make. Exactly right. How are we to correct you on this? My generation has brought a new concept to the table, the concept of dismissing absolutes. If nothing can truly be absolute, then “exactly right” is really only your opinion and, once again, we have the opportunity to correct you with what we know to be the exactly right answer. And, trust us, our exactly right is more accurate than your exactly right.
The biggest issue with this is that neither of us can truly be absolute about our exactly right, therefore neither of us can truly tell the other person that they’re wrong. This leaves us with the conclusion that their may be two right answers, and have come to accept that fact.
Don’t Tell Us; We Already Know
Since we tend to build on pride on how much we know, making it obvious to you that we already know it is key. Don’t try to tell us about the newest Lamborghini concept, something you just heard today about politics on CNN, an up-and-coming movie release starring Denzel Washington, the rumor of Green Day’s next LP, or even what the definition of LP actually is; we already know it. We fill our minds with useless information just so we finish your sentences for you.
We’re so full of our own self pride that we can’t be told anything new, even by someone with clearly superior in intellect to us. Apparently it would be a mockery of our own intellect to learn something from someone else and not the internet.
An Insatiable Hunger for Hilarity
We always have to be laughing at something, and we always have to be making you laugh. In my generation it has become awkward to sit in silence; to not hear some twisted joke just to break the tension. We feed ourselves humor constantly, be it from friends, movies, television, websites, or anything. In fact, if we can’t find something humorous in what’s going on around us, we’ll take someone else’s words and twist them, just to make someone laugh. It’s a nervous addiction we have, but it can never be fed enough.
It’s obvious that some of our elders try to make efforts to reach out to my generation. The problem is, we’ll just make a fool of you for a cheap laugh from our friends. You can tell us the funniest joke you know, but it won’t make us laugh. We’re obliged not to. What will be funny is the condescending remark we make towards you directly after. Take the same joke, put it in the mouth of Ben Stiller or Will Ferrell in a movie with a ridiculous plot, and we’ll find it hilarious.
See, it’s not just about laughing. It’s about knowing what to laugh at, and twisting everything else so others will laugh at your “wit”.
Vulgarity and Sacrilege
Our insatiable hunger for hilarity gets worse. We’re at the point where we must make absolutely everything funny, no matter how much of a stretch. The easiest and cheapest way to make anything hilarious is to make some sexual innuendo out of it. But we don’t stop there. We’ll make references to pornography, rape, incest, bestiality, or any other abomination you can think of, just to get you to laugh. Oh, you’re not laughing? You must be an idiot then, because everyone else thinks what we’re saying is hilarious.
Just take, for example, the recently overwhelming popularity of “That’s what she said” jokes.
In conjunction with vulgarity, we’re not afraid to offend the Creator whom we should be worshipping with our words. How many times do we take the Lords name in vain every day? I imagine most of us lose count before lunch. How little we respect someone who has done so much for us. We constantly take Him for granted. We fail to realize that all of the things in this list, when used improperly as they most commonly are, are means of sacrilege, because in sinning, we are continuing to destroy the perfect character God intended for us.
The Odds in Our Favor
We arrange our lives so that everything works perfectly in our favor. Our relationships, our schooling, our income, everything. If anything starts to fall apart, we drop it and leave, never looking back. We have a horrible issue with commitment for this reason. We figure that if something does go wrong, it must be because we aren’t meant to be in the given situation, so we bail. A loving God wouldn’t expect us to fail, right? We avoid confrontation, which could resolve the issue and bring a closer to those around us, and we choose to back out. It’s the short term, easier approach to solving all of our problems.
Keeping Up With the Joneses
It all goes back to our pride, but we have to look like we have it all together, even though we’re probably an emotional wreck. Yes, I wear expensive clothes. Yes, I have a fancy car. Yes, I buy Apple because they cost more than PC. Yes, my Daddy’s rich and pays for my college. Yes, yes, yes. Is my economic status impressing you? Because it should be.
We always have to have the latest and greatest new product, no matter how useless and overly priced it may be. Sure, we could have found a cheaper brand for $5, but this was has a name attached to it, and it cost me $50!
Maybe it looks like we have money, but we really don’t. We have plastic and we have PayPal, the things that have done more damage to our economy than anything else in history. When we see something we want, we can’t wait. My generation has no patience. We must have it now, not at the end of the month when we get our paycheck. We know we can always buy it on credit and pay it back later or, better yet, use the credit card our parents pay off.
We want you to be impressed with the size of our house. We want you to be impressed with the things we can afford. And, in reality, you probably are. But you aren’t impressed with us as a person, and that’s what our human nature truly craves. But how can you be impressed with us as a person if we act so superficial towards you?
Constant Occupation
Do we look busy enough to you? In the same way we feel we must always make someone laugh, we also feel the urge to constantly look busy. We’re always texting, always in a rush to get back to the dorm to check our Facebook and email, always calling someone, always doing homework, always doing something. If we sit back in silence and let our minds wander, we might actually realize how messed up and far from God our lives have become.
Shock Value
We aim to offend. It could be how we dress, it could be how we talk, it could be what we watch. But somewhere along the lines, about the time we lost all respect for our elders, we decided to take it to the next level and openly offend them.
My generation thrives on awkward situations ... Awkward for you. We don’t find much awkward because we’re so numb to the world, but we know you do. In our cravings for attention from others and, yes, even from you, we’re willing to do just about anything to shock everyone around us into being impressed. Maybe you’re not impressed, but you gave us your attention for a moment, right? And, trust me, our friends are impressed. It’s why we talk so loudly in public, lacing our sentences with obscenities that actually make us sound ridiculous. It’s why we wear formfitting outfits that look cost twice as much but look like the sewing machine ran out of thread half way.
It’s the same reason we tease the kid with the short temper. We want to see him snap; it’s what bullies thrive off of. My generation is just a generation of bullies towards everyone they meet. As soon as you snap and yell at us, we get our adrenaline high.
Apathy
We’ve reached the point where we’re almost raised not to feel in certain situations. It’s not that we’re completely against feelings; on the contrary, we can be quite emotive. We’re only against feelings when there’s the potential for vulnerability or hurt. Our apathy can be responsible for most of the inconsistencies in our character; it’s why we try to offend and it doesn’t phase us, it’s why we have a lack of commitment, it’s why we have no respect for our elders, it’s why vulgar music doesn’t phase us, and it’s why we don’t jump in scary movies. Nothing phases us because we just don’t care. This behavior is completely against everything humans are created to be. Feelings are at the root of our very beings. Being vulnerable is the only real way we can ever express those feelings.
Maybe this is evident in every next generation, and maybe everyone at some point or another has the same feelings of annoyance that I do toward their own generation (and their own characteristics), but I felt the need to get my thoughts out there to see if anyone else felt the same way.
And I think I feel better now.
This is a unique generation. We do as we will, we think as we please, and you really can’t tell us to do otherwise. We find ridiculous things funny, we get amusement out of the most childish things, and we’re always right. Always. You can try to educate us, but our minds will hardly be swayed. Pardon the overt cliche, but my generation is, in fact, the post modern generation. Or, at the very least, the most post modern we’ve seen yet. One can only imagine what the next generation, or the generation following that, will be like if this is what my generation has become. And since my generation is the one that will be molding the minds of the next, or at least trying to, it seems inevitable.
When I say you can try to educate us, I’m not implying that we’re stupid. Granted, statistics will tell you that the current generation being schooled in America is the dumbest yet, but we have ingenuity wrapped up in our brains somewhere. What I mean is that, when you try to get us to understand your ways, we’re closed minded. Or maybe we’re too open minded and that’s the problem. And maybe that’s the biggest misunderstanding; my generation is a paradox.
So, what makes us so unique? I’ve tried to come up with the most obvious traits that seem to be evident in most of my generation. Not all of them are, mind you, and some of them may seem as though I’ve taken them to the extreme, but I’m trying to make a point that I think needs to be made.The most disturbing thing I find in all this is that the below attributes seem to be just as commonly found in Christian circles as they are in non-Christian circles. It’s like my entire generation has become numb, not just the secular portion of my generation.
You’re Actually Wrong
We love to be the ones to have the right answer. We love to know everything. So much so, in fact, that we feel the urge to correct you about everything you say.
When I was younger, my older brother used to always ask, “What time is it?” I would reply something like, “It’s 2:47.” Andrew would huff and roll his eyes stating irritatedly, “Alex, you don’t have to give the exact time. Just round it to 2:45 like normal people.” He had this thing with trying make me not feel like a normal person. It took me quite a while to get the idea, but I finally caught on.
Today, things seem to be just the opposite. If you aren’t exact, you aren’t right at all. We’ve become so literal. But the trouble is, you see, you can’t be exactly right. Only we can, and that’s why we feel the urge to correct you, because we’re the ones who really know. It gives us a sense of pride, proving to you how much we know.
That’s Just Your Opinion, Which May Also be Right
On the occasion, you may say something and actually be right in some statement you make. Exactly right. How are we to correct you on this? My generation has brought a new concept to the table, the concept of dismissing absolutes. If nothing can truly be absolute, then “exactly right” is really only your opinion and, once again, we have the opportunity to correct you with what we know to be the exactly right answer. And, trust us, our exactly right is more accurate than your exactly right.
The biggest issue with this is that neither of us can truly be absolute about our exactly right, therefore neither of us can truly tell the other person that they’re wrong. This leaves us with the conclusion that their may be two right answers, and have come to accept that fact.
Don’t Tell Us; We Already Know
Since we tend to build on pride on how much we know, making it obvious to you that we already know it is key. Don’t try to tell us about the newest Lamborghini concept, something you just heard today about politics on CNN, an up-and-coming movie release starring Denzel Washington, the rumor of Green Day’s next LP, or even what the definition of LP actually is; we already know it. We fill our minds with useless information just so we finish your sentences for you.
We’re so full of our own self pride that we can’t be told anything new, even by someone with clearly superior in intellect to us. Apparently it would be a mockery of our own intellect to learn something from someone else and not the internet.
An Insatiable Hunger for Hilarity
We always have to be laughing at something, and we always have to be making you laugh. In my generation it has become awkward to sit in silence; to not hear some twisted joke just to break the tension. We feed ourselves humor constantly, be it from friends, movies, television, websites, or anything. In fact, if we can’t find something humorous in what’s going on around us, we’ll take someone else’s words and twist them, just to make someone laugh. It’s a nervous addiction we have, but it can never be fed enough.
It’s obvious that some of our elders try to make efforts to reach out to my generation. The problem is, we’ll just make a fool of you for a cheap laugh from our friends. You can tell us the funniest joke you know, but it won’t make us laugh. We’re obliged not to. What will be funny is the condescending remark we make towards you directly after. Take the same joke, put it in the mouth of Ben Stiller or Will Ferrell in a movie with a ridiculous plot, and we’ll find it hilarious.
See, it’s not just about laughing. It’s about knowing what to laugh at, and twisting everything else so others will laugh at your “wit”.
Vulgarity and Sacrilege
Our insatiable hunger for hilarity gets worse. We’re at the point where we must make absolutely everything funny, no matter how much of a stretch. The easiest and cheapest way to make anything hilarious is to make some sexual innuendo out of it. But we don’t stop there. We’ll make references to pornography, rape, incest, bestiality, or any other abomination you can think of, just to get you to laugh. Oh, you’re not laughing? You must be an idiot then, because everyone else thinks what we’re saying is hilarious.
Just take, for example, the recently overwhelming popularity of “That’s what she said” jokes.
In conjunction with vulgarity, we’re not afraid to offend the Creator whom we should be worshipping with our words. How many times do we take the Lords name in vain every day? I imagine most of us lose count before lunch. How little we respect someone who has done so much for us. We constantly take Him for granted. We fail to realize that all of the things in this list, when used improperly as they most commonly are, are means of sacrilege, because in sinning, we are continuing to destroy the perfect character God intended for us.
The Odds in Our Favor
We arrange our lives so that everything works perfectly in our favor. Our relationships, our schooling, our income, everything. If anything starts to fall apart, we drop it and leave, never looking back. We have a horrible issue with commitment for this reason. We figure that if something does go wrong, it must be because we aren’t meant to be in the given situation, so we bail. A loving God wouldn’t expect us to fail, right? We avoid confrontation, which could resolve the issue and bring a closer to those around us, and we choose to back out. It’s the short term, easier approach to solving all of our problems.
Keeping Up With the Joneses
It all goes back to our pride, but we have to look like we have it all together, even though we’re probably an emotional wreck. Yes, I wear expensive clothes. Yes, I have a fancy car. Yes, I buy Apple because they cost more than PC. Yes, my Daddy’s rich and pays for my college. Yes, yes, yes. Is my economic status impressing you? Because it should be.
We always have to have the latest and greatest new product, no matter how useless and overly priced it may be. Sure, we could have found a cheaper brand for $5, but this was has a name attached to it, and it cost me $50!
Maybe it looks like we have money, but we really don’t. We have plastic and we have PayPal, the things that have done more damage to our economy than anything else in history. When we see something we want, we can’t wait. My generation has no patience. We must have it now, not at the end of the month when we get our paycheck. We know we can always buy it on credit and pay it back later or, better yet, use the credit card our parents pay off.
We want you to be impressed with the size of our house. We want you to be impressed with the things we can afford. And, in reality, you probably are. But you aren’t impressed with us as a person, and that’s what our human nature truly craves. But how can you be impressed with us as a person if we act so superficial towards you?
Constant Occupation
Do we look busy enough to you? In the same way we feel we must always make someone laugh, we also feel the urge to constantly look busy. We’re always texting, always in a rush to get back to the dorm to check our Facebook and email, always calling someone, always doing homework, always doing something. If we sit back in silence and let our minds wander, we might actually realize how messed up and far from God our lives have become.
Shock Value
We aim to offend. It could be how we dress, it could be how we talk, it could be what we watch. But somewhere along the lines, about the time we lost all respect for our elders, we decided to take it to the next level and openly offend them.
My generation thrives on awkward situations ... Awkward for you. We don’t find much awkward because we’re so numb to the world, but we know you do. In our cravings for attention from others and, yes, even from you, we’re willing to do just about anything to shock everyone around us into being impressed. Maybe you’re not impressed, but you gave us your attention for a moment, right? And, trust me, our friends are impressed. It’s why we talk so loudly in public, lacing our sentences with obscenities that actually make us sound ridiculous. It’s why we wear formfitting outfits that look cost twice as much but look like the sewing machine ran out of thread half way.
It’s the same reason we tease the kid with the short temper. We want to see him snap; it’s what bullies thrive off of. My generation is just a generation of bullies towards everyone they meet. As soon as you snap and yell at us, we get our adrenaline high.
Apathy
We’ve reached the point where we’re almost raised not to feel in certain situations. It’s not that we’re completely against feelings; on the contrary, we can be quite emotive. We’re only against feelings when there’s the potential for vulnerability or hurt. Our apathy can be responsible for most of the inconsistencies in our character; it’s why we try to offend and it doesn’t phase us, it’s why we have a lack of commitment, it’s why we have no respect for our elders, it’s why vulgar music doesn’t phase us, and it’s why we don’t jump in scary movies. Nothing phases us because we just don’t care. This behavior is completely against everything humans are created to be. Feelings are at the root of our very beings. Being vulnerable is the only real way we can ever express those feelings.
Maybe this is evident in every next generation, and maybe everyone at some point or another has the same feelings of annoyance that I do toward their own generation (and their own characteristics), but I felt the need to get my thoughts out there to see if anyone else felt the same way.
And I think I feel better now.
"Those People" You Hate On Facebook
10/23/08 03:16 PM
You know those Facebook
personalities that float around, haunting the world's
best social networking site. Everybody knows
them. They're unavoidable. Well, here's a
list of the most common and annoying ones that I've
found. If you find that you fit one of
these stereotypes, please, do all of your friends a
favor. Stop doing that
thing.
The Poker
I don't actually need to say anything about this. It's self explanatory. Why does poking exist? It's stupid. Stop poking me.
The Groupie
The Groupie is the guy who thinks every cause, every inside joke, every event, everything deserves a Facebook group. It doesn't. Coincidently, most Groupies tend to be quite illiterate and can't even properly convey their cause in less than seventy-five characters. This leads to his group name having far too many punctuation marks and not enough legitimate words. Also, lots of abbreviations.
As if there aren't already enough groups out there. Heck, there are duplicates of groups, just spelled and exclaimed differently. You can find fan groups, anti-fan groups, event groups, groups trying to be the biggest group, groups against groups, groups that are against groups that are against groups, groups against duplicate groups (ironically, there's a ton of those ... Check it), groups ... You get the idea. All that, and there's not even really a point to them. If you're a fan of something, why join a group? Add it to your Interests ...
The Groupie may also be known for being ...
The Invitation Freak
Back in 2007, shortly after Facebook apps were launched, Facebook had over 3,000 apps you could add, and was averaging 100 new apps every day. That's way too many to sift through. Unfortunately, The Invitation Freak will somehow find time to sift through them all and invite you to all of them as well. Numerous times. (I'm still not sure whether vampires or werewolves are better ...)
But he won't just do this with apps. No, he'll do it with groups, pages, events ... everything. Anything that has the "Invite People to Join" button, The Invitation Freak will invite you to it. The reason Facebook has become so insecure recently and has been the result of countless hacking attempts is essentially the fault of The Invitation Freak. Anyone can write an app; therefore the same geniuses who keep Symantec and McAfee in business will also make apps to hack Facebook.
The Obnoxious Tagger
The Obnoxious Tagger thinks your life isn't complete without theirs. That's why they have to tag you in all of their notes, photos, and videos. They think you need to know about the good time they had, about how depressed they are, or whatever.
Quickly check out this page on tagging in Facebook. Notice, under photos, it says, "Facebook provides users with the opportunity to identify the people in their photos by 'tagging' the images." ... Hold on, let me just say it again "... identify the people in their photos ..." This would imply the person was, in fact, in the photo. This principle should also be applied to Notes. If the person is not actually mentioned in the note, you don't need to tag them.
Look, everything you do or add on Facebook will show up in my News Feed moments after you do it, so it's not like I don't know you wrote a note. I suppose the cause of this may be because The Obnoxious Tagger is also actually ...
The Attention Monger
The Attention Monger has to be seen on Facebook. They update their status on an unhealthy basis, constantly put pictures (of themselves) into albums, update their status again (even though they aren't doing anything new), comment on all your photos and notes, right on everyone’s wall (because it will show up in the News Feed!) ... Anything that can be posted on, they will post on. Anything that can be updated, they will update so they're always at the top of your News Feed. Just met them? They'll add you. Just added an album and forgot to tag them in a photo? They'll tag it for you.
Their profile is completely full. They list every band, every movie, every everything they possibly can in their profile. They even have that Extended Profile app to add MORE, just in case you actually do pay attention to them for once ... They want you to know how awesome they are.
Unfortunately, people who see The Attention Monger all too often must ask the question ...
Do I Know You?
This person adds you when they don't really know you. You meet them once, they permanently engrain your name into their memory because they think you're cute, and then they go back to their dorm and add you as a friend. But you aren't really friends. Webster says a friend is "one attached to another by affection or esteem" or "a favored companion". Someone can't be either of these things after one or two meetings, no matter how cute they are.
Then there's the person on Facebook who thinks they're on MySpace. I think they literally just search for random names and add people when they're bored. I used to know somebody who would just always look up their own name and add anyone whom they had that common bond with.
Finally, there's the "I know you through your cousin" guy. Look, we've never met, so why are you adding me? I don't care if you know my cousin, or you went to school with my parents and you're fifty (that happened to me once). Facebook is a social networking site, not an online dating community. Although some of you seem to have a pretty severe misunderstanding about that.
The Creeper
The Creeper always is the first to comment on your photos of the previous night’s slumber party. He always knows your latest status update (he has them texted to his phone), and he's not afraid to ask you about them in person. He's always curious about your camping trip last weekend (he knows you went on it because he saw the album). He sends you messages and writes on your wall about how he hasn't seen you in a while, but you look like you're having fun.
Oh, and he also started texting you. He got your number from your profile.
The Complainer
The Complainer basically hates Facebook. Everyth
The Poker
I don't actually need to say anything about this. It's self explanatory. Why does poking exist? It's stupid. Stop poking me.
The Groupie
The Groupie is the guy who thinks every cause, every inside joke, every event, everything deserves a Facebook group. It doesn't. Coincidently, most Groupies tend to be quite illiterate and can't even properly convey their cause in less than seventy-five characters. This leads to his group name having far too many punctuation marks and not enough legitimate words. Also, lots of abbreviations.
As if there aren't already enough groups out there. Heck, there are duplicates of groups, just spelled and exclaimed differently. You can find fan groups, anti-fan groups, event groups, groups trying to be the biggest group, groups against groups, groups that are against groups that are against groups, groups against duplicate groups (ironically, there's a ton of those ... Check it), groups ... You get the idea. All that, and there's not even really a point to them. If you're a fan of something, why join a group? Add it to your Interests ...
The Groupie may also be known for being ...
The Invitation Freak
Back in 2007, shortly after Facebook apps were launched, Facebook had over 3,000 apps you could add, and was averaging 100 new apps every day. That's way too many to sift through. Unfortunately, The Invitation Freak will somehow find time to sift through them all and invite you to all of them as well. Numerous times. (I'm still not sure whether vampires or werewolves are better ...)
But he won't just do this with apps. No, he'll do it with groups, pages, events ... everything. Anything that has the "Invite People to Join" button, The Invitation Freak will invite you to it. The reason Facebook has become so insecure recently and has been the result of countless hacking attempts is essentially the fault of The Invitation Freak. Anyone can write an app; therefore the same geniuses who keep Symantec and McAfee in business will also make apps to hack Facebook.
The Obnoxious Tagger
The Obnoxious Tagger thinks your life isn't complete without theirs. That's why they have to tag you in all of their notes, photos, and videos. They think you need to know about the good time they had, about how depressed they are, or whatever.
Quickly check out this page on tagging in Facebook. Notice, under photos, it says, "Facebook provides users with the opportunity to identify the people in their photos by 'tagging' the images." ... Hold on, let me just say it again "... identify the people in their photos ..." This would imply the person was, in fact, in the photo. This principle should also be applied to Notes. If the person is not actually mentioned in the note, you don't need to tag them.
Look, everything you do or add on Facebook will show up in my News Feed moments after you do it, so it's not like I don't know you wrote a note. I suppose the cause of this may be because The Obnoxious Tagger is also actually ...
The Attention Monger
The Attention Monger has to be seen on Facebook. They update their status on an unhealthy basis, constantly put pictures (of themselves) into albums, update their status again (even though they aren't doing anything new), comment on all your photos and notes, right on everyone’s wall (because it will show up in the News Feed!) ... Anything that can be posted on, they will post on. Anything that can be updated, they will update so they're always at the top of your News Feed. Just met them? They'll add you. Just added an album and forgot to tag them in a photo? They'll tag it for you.
Their profile is completely full. They list every band, every movie, every everything they possibly can in their profile. They even have that Extended Profile app to add MORE, just in case you actually do pay attention to them for once ... They want you to know how awesome they are.
Unfortunately, people who see The Attention Monger all too often must ask the question ...
Do I Know You?
This person adds you when they don't really know you. You meet them once, they permanently engrain your name into their memory because they think you're cute, and then they go back to their dorm and add you as a friend. But you aren't really friends. Webster says a friend is "one attached to another by affection or esteem" or "a favored companion". Someone can't be either of these things after one or two meetings, no matter how cute they are.
Then there's the person on Facebook who thinks they're on MySpace. I think they literally just search for random names and add people when they're bored. I used to know somebody who would just always look up their own name and add anyone whom they had that common bond with.
Finally, there's the "I know you through your cousin" guy. Look, we've never met, so why are you adding me? I don't care if you know my cousin, or you went to school with my parents and you're fifty (that happened to me once). Facebook is a social networking site, not an online dating community. Although some of you seem to have a pretty severe misunderstanding about that.
The Creeper
The Creeper always is the first to comment on your photos of the previous night’s slumber party. He always knows your latest status update (he has them texted to his phone), and he's not afraid to ask you about them in person. He's always curious about your camping trip last weekend (he knows you went on it because he saw the album). He sends you messages and writes on your wall about how he hasn't seen you in a while, but you look like you're having fun.
Oh, and he also started texting you. He got your number from your profile.
The Complainer
The Complainer basically hates Facebook. Everyth