1. You seem to think you have guts. You’re the first people to attack a U.S. Merchant Ship in the last 200 years. You know why? Because everyone else is smarter than you and doesn’t mess with innocent and unarmed U.S. ships. Do you know what our military will do to people like you? You’ve put yourselves in a horrible position.
2. The U.S. does not negotiate with terrorists. On any level. And you’re not even terrorists, you’re pirates. We never have negotiated with terrorism, and you’re not going to be the first exception.
3. You have crappy negotiation skills, anyway. FBI and Navy guys came onto your boat to try to talk civilized with you, and your response is to offer up the captive for $2 million. Obviously, we refused (see aforementioned negotiation reason), and we left. You then raised your price to $3 million. If we weren’t going to pay $2 million, why would we pay $3 million? Maybe you’re confused. $3 million > $2 million = Less Likely for U.S. to accept.
4. Where’s your parrot and eye patch? If you’re really pirates, where’s the peg leg? What’d you do with Long John Silver? Where’s Davy Jones? I have yet to see a news article quoting you saying, “Yarrr” or “Aye, Matey,” and you didn’t even tell our FBI agents to, “Walk the plank.” You don’t even act like real pirates, yet you claim to be some, and you expect us to take you seriously?
5. You have clearly hosed off the U.S. Navy. There are, like, two destroyers looking down their gun barrels at you, so I’d put the hostage in a lifeboat and float him back over to his ship if I were you. I mean, the Navy doesn’t mess around, especially not when there are two of them ... And you’re pirates.
6. How many of you can there honestly be? You have just ticked off an entire country (the US of A) and I hope you realize where this is going. I mean, maybe you had success with other country’s ships, but it’s not likely that you’re going to get away with this with the previously mentioned Naval Destroyers fixin’ to blow you out of the water. We don’t like to see any loss of life, and we will not submit to your monetary demands, so step away from the hostage.

Tags: Pirates