Only the Stupidest Song Lyrics
01/19/09 02:28 PM Filed in: Media
Remember when you were
little and your mom would ask you, “Do you even
listen to the lyrics of these songs?” You usually
replied, “No, I just liked the music.” Oddly, your
parents never believed you. I’ve noticed something
scary. I now find myself asking myself (and my peers)
the exact same question for entirely different
reasons. Not because the lyrics may be deemed
inappropriate, but because they’re completely
illogical and/or stupid! Honestly, how does this crap
get popular? This could be a rather long rant ...
Let’s start with something mild. In 1984, Sade’s single “Smooth Operator” was a little proportionally challenged.
Coast to coast
LA to Chicago
In case you are unaware, Chicago isn’t on the coast ...
In 1998, Des’ree released her peculiarly popular song entitled “Life.” In this song, the British Pop singer singer tells us of her superstitions, phobias, and travels around the world.
I’m afraid of the dark
Especially when I’m in a park
And there’s no one else around
Ooh, I get the shivers
Alright, so apparently our girl is a little freaked out because she’s alone in a park in the dark. That much is obvious, but what has always bothered me is the fact that she knows she fears the dark and yet is still in the park ... By herself. Why are you in the park, ma’am? Metaphorical songs are awesome, but this one has me puzzled. Unfortunately, she goes on.
I don’t want to see a ghost
It’s a sight I fear the most
I think I’ll have a piece of toast
And watch the evening news
Apparently toast is what calms her nerves. And the evening news. To me, watching the news does anything but calm my nerves, but I’m not here to judge. However, if I were here to judge, I would say something about the horrible rhyme in those first three lines. Oh, then there’s the second verse.
I’m a superstitious girl
I’m the worst in the world
Never walk under ladders
I keep my rabbit’s tail
She was so careful to rhyme the first verse, what happened here? Additionally, she must have been asleep in History class when they covered European Celtic culture; it’s a rabbit’s foot that’s good luck, Des’ree.
But we’ve all heard comedians and critics alike rant about this song’s stupidity, right? Unfortunately, lyrics haven’t gotten much better in recent years. 1999 saw the release of Crazy Town’s “Butterfly,” a much more catchy song (if you ask me, which you are) than “Life,” but there was one line that always bothered me.
Hey, Sugar Momma, come and dance with me
The smartest thing you ever did was take a chance with me
Whatever tickles your fancy
Girl, it’s you like Sid and Nancy
I’ve never had much success referring to an bonnie lasse as “Sugar Momma.” What’s always really bothered me is the reference to Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen here. Sid was suspected of the drugging and murdering of his girlfriend, Nancy. Very romantic. I wonder how much success Bret Mazur of Crazy Town has with the ladies when he says their relationship can be like Sid and Nancy’s, if that’s what she’s in to. Creep.
Timbaland appears to be as geographically challenged as Sade is with his 2007 single, “Give it to Me.”
I’m a real producer and you just a piano man
I’m respected from California way down to Japan
Google Map it, Tim. Japan is pretty much 4,000 miles directly west of California.
Then there’s Hawk Nelson’s 2004 song, “Letters to the President.”
If I was brave I’d write a letter to the President
And have him pass it to the leaders of our parliament
I don’t even need to list the remainder of the chorus. They repeat this line at least three times in the song, and it has always bothered me immensely. Look, I understand that you’re from Ontario, but you still have no grounds to speak such idiocy. Canada has a Parliamentary Democracy and a Constitutional Monarchy; they do not have a president. The United States (which is presumably what the song is referring to since they live here now and address our issues and reference “states”) has a President. We do not have a parliament or any form thereof. There’s really no way you can even try to bend the rules to excuse the lyrics in this song.
I could go on with about ten more that I’ve got up my sleeve, but I’d rather cut to the chase and get to my favorite one. Taylor Swift’s most recent release, “Love Story,” potentially takes the cake on having either horrible analogies or blatant ignorance.
The song entails the story of how she fell in love with some guy when she was young. They refer to themselves as Romeo and Juliet. I’ve never understood the songs (or stories, or whatever) that glorify Romeo and Juliet as both a happy and wonderful story of love. Sure, Romeo and Juliet defied all odds to be together, which is a pretty awesome tail of love. But they ended up both dying, of by their own hand, in the end of the story. Why would you want to emulate that relationship?
See the lights
See the party, the ball gowns
I see you make your way through the crowd
And say hello, little did I know
That you were Romeo
You were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
Okay, first big mistake you make: you didn’t listen to your daddy. See, we have those for a reason. They can pick out the creepy guys pretty well, and when they tell you to stay away from a guy, it’s usually for good reason. And there you go comparing yourselves to Romeo and Juliet, which means you’re pretty much setting yourselves up for failure or a horribly depressing fling.
So I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet cuz we’re dead if they knew
So close your eyes
Escape this town for a little while
Great. Now he has you sneaking out for him. See? Bad guy. You should have listened to your dad!
Cuz you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter
First your comparing your love story to Romeo and Juliet, and now the Scarlet Letter? Question: have you ever actually read either of these works before writing this song? Or, perhaps a more relevant question, do you proof what your ghost writers come up with? Or are you, for some reason, happily calling yourself an adulteress? Because that’s what the scarlet letter represented in the book.
You’ll be the prince, and I’ll be the princess
See, here’s the thing, Romeo was the son of Lord and Lady Montague who were just that ... A Lord and a Lady. The son of a Lord and a Lady is wealthy, to be sure, but by no means a prince. Similarly, Juliet was not a princess, and neither is Taylor Swift. At least, as far as I know.
The most drastic transition comes with the final verse, and it comes with little to no explanation. Romeo has apparently been gone for a while when one day, as Juliet is peering out of the the highest window in the tallest tower of her castle, she sees Romeo coming in the distance and sings the final verse.
Romeo save me, I’ve been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head? I don’t know what to think
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said
“Marry me, Juliet. You’ll never have to be alone
I love you and that’s all I really know
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress
It’s a love story, Baby, just say, ‘Yes’”
What’s the deal with Juliet’s father? I thought he didn’t like this guy. He must be really convincing or something, and he needs to give me a few pointers, because Emilie’s dad doesn’t like me and I’m trying to work on that. Anyway, this guy apparently disappears for an extended period of time, leaving Juliet hanging (not a good way to impress the ladies from what I’ve learned), and he comes back with a ring fully expecting her to marry him now? If I were her father, I wouldn’t let them get married. Anyway, aside from that, if Juliet is truly the scarlet letter that she refers to herself as, she couldn’t wear a white dress, and I find it interesting that she specifies that it’s a white dress. I know our culture doesn’t respect the white dress thing anymore, but they would have in the ‘ol days.
All this to say, you apparently don’t need to have much knowledge of history, geography, or literature to write a song and compose stupid love analogies. You can be pretty much anybody and write pretty much anything and still, somehow, get popular. It really is all in who you know. Also, listen to your daddy. He knows best.
End rant.
Let’s start with something mild. In 1984, Sade’s single “Smooth Operator” was a little proportionally challenged.
Coast to coast
LA to Chicago
In case you are unaware, Chicago isn’t on the coast ...
In 1998, Des’ree released her peculiarly popular song entitled “Life.” In this song, the British Pop singer singer tells us of her superstitions, phobias, and travels around the world.
I’m afraid of the dark
Especially when I’m in a park
And there’s no one else around
Ooh, I get the shivers
Alright, so apparently our girl is a little freaked out because she’s alone in a park in the dark. That much is obvious, but what has always bothered me is the fact that she knows she fears the dark and yet is still in the park ... By herself. Why are you in the park, ma’am? Metaphorical songs are awesome, but this one has me puzzled. Unfortunately, she goes on.
I don’t want to see a ghost
It’s a sight I fear the most
I think I’ll have a piece of toast
And watch the evening news
Apparently toast is what calms her nerves. And the evening news. To me, watching the news does anything but calm my nerves, but I’m not here to judge. However, if I were here to judge, I would say something about the horrible rhyme in those first three lines. Oh, then there’s the second verse.
I’m a superstitious girl
I’m the worst in the world
Never walk under ladders
I keep my rabbit’s tail
She was so careful to rhyme the first verse, what happened here? Additionally, she must have been asleep in History class when they covered European Celtic culture; it’s a rabbit’s foot that’s good luck, Des’ree.
But we’ve all heard comedians and critics alike rant about this song’s stupidity, right? Unfortunately, lyrics haven’t gotten much better in recent years. 1999 saw the release of Crazy Town’s “Butterfly,” a much more catchy song (if you ask me, which you are) than “Life,” but there was one line that always bothered me.
Hey, Sugar Momma, come and dance with me
The smartest thing you ever did was take a chance with me
Whatever tickles your fancy
Girl, it’s you like Sid and Nancy
I’ve never had much success referring to an bonnie lasse as “Sugar Momma.” What’s always really bothered me is the reference to Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen here. Sid was suspected of the drugging and murdering of his girlfriend, Nancy. Very romantic. I wonder how much success Bret Mazur of Crazy Town has with the ladies when he says their relationship can be like Sid and Nancy’s, if that’s what she’s in to. Creep.
Timbaland appears to be as geographically challenged as Sade is with his 2007 single, “Give it to Me.”
I’m a real producer and you just a piano man
I’m respected from California way down to Japan
Google Map it, Tim. Japan is pretty much 4,000 miles directly west of California.
Then there’s Hawk Nelson’s 2004 song, “Letters to the President.”
If I was brave I’d write a letter to the President
And have him pass it to the leaders of our parliament
I don’t even need to list the remainder of the chorus. They repeat this line at least three times in the song, and it has always bothered me immensely. Look, I understand that you’re from Ontario, but you still have no grounds to speak such idiocy. Canada has a Parliamentary Democracy and a Constitutional Monarchy; they do not have a president. The United States (which is presumably what the song is referring to since they live here now and address our issues and reference “states”) has a President. We do not have a parliament or any form thereof. There’s really no way you can even try to bend the rules to excuse the lyrics in this song.
I could go on with about ten more that I’ve got up my sleeve, but I’d rather cut to the chase and get to my favorite one. Taylor Swift’s most recent release, “Love Story,” potentially takes the cake on having either horrible analogies or blatant ignorance.
The song entails the story of how she fell in love with some guy when she was young. They refer to themselves as Romeo and Juliet. I’ve never understood the songs (or stories, or whatever) that glorify Romeo and Juliet as both a happy and wonderful story of love. Sure, Romeo and Juliet defied all odds to be together, which is a pretty awesome tail of love. But they ended up both dying, of by their own hand, in the end of the story. Why would you want to emulate that relationship?
See the lights
See the party, the ball gowns
I see you make your way through the crowd
And say hello, little did I know
That you were Romeo
You were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
Okay, first big mistake you make: you didn’t listen to your daddy. See, we have those for a reason. They can pick out the creepy guys pretty well, and when they tell you to stay away from a guy, it’s usually for good reason. And there you go comparing yourselves to Romeo and Juliet, which means you’re pretty much setting yourselves up for failure or a horribly depressing fling.
So I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet cuz we’re dead if they knew
So close your eyes
Escape this town for a little while
Great. Now he has you sneaking out for him. See? Bad guy. You should have listened to your dad!
Cuz you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter
First your comparing your love story to Romeo and Juliet, and now the Scarlet Letter? Question: have you ever actually read either of these works before writing this song? Or, perhaps a more relevant question, do you proof what your ghost writers come up with? Or are you, for some reason, happily calling yourself an adulteress? Because that’s what the scarlet letter represented in the book.
You’ll be the prince, and I’ll be the princess
See, here’s the thing, Romeo was the son of Lord and Lady Montague who were just that ... A Lord and a Lady. The son of a Lord and a Lady is wealthy, to be sure, but by no means a prince. Similarly, Juliet was not a princess, and neither is Taylor Swift. At least, as far as I know.
The most drastic transition comes with the final verse, and it comes with little to no explanation. Romeo has apparently been gone for a while when one day, as Juliet is peering out of the the highest window in the tallest tower of her castle, she sees Romeo coming in the distance and sings the final verse.
Romeo save me, I’ve been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head? I don’t know what to think
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said
“Marry me, Juliet. You’ll never have to be alone
I love you and that’s all I really know
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress
It’s a love story, Baby, just say, ‘Yes’”
What’s the deal with Juliet’s father? I thought he didn’t like this guy. He must be really convincing or something, and he needs to give me a few pointers, because Emilie’s dad doesn’t like me and I’m trying to work on that. Anyway, this guy apparently disappears for an extended period of time, leaving Juliet hanging (not a good way to impress the ladies from what I’ve learned), and he comes back with a ring fully expecting her to marry him now? If I were her father, I wouldn’t let them get married. Anyway, aside from that, if Juliet is truly the scarlet letter that she refers to herself as, she couldn’t wear a white dress, and I find it interesting that she specifies that it’s a white dress. I know our culture doesn’t respect the white dress thing anymore, but they would have in the ‘ol days.
All this to say, you apparently don’t need to have much knowledge of history, geography, or literature to write a song and compose stupid love analogies. You can be pretty much anybody and write pretty much anything and still, somehow, get popular. It really is all in who you know. Also, listen to your daddy. He knows best.
End rant.