It’s Finals Week. Chuck’s is open continuously from 6am to 6pm. I can’t stand eating before 6pm, so I’ve actually been eating in The Hive for Dinner, and I’m not sure who actually gets up at 6am during Finals Week when the first finals are never before 8am. Anyway, six is just far too early to be social or eat.

So I’ve been in The Hive all day, working hard. People have been drifting in and out, as have I. I had to leave for work at one, but other then that I’ve been here since I woke up. Kylee’s been here, Ryan, Dave, Gabe, Shannon, Kristi, Justin ... Maybe a few other people. I don’t know, my brain is sort of fried right now.

Anyway, everyone just left me except Kristi, who is sitting in the chair next to me, asleep. It’s making me very jealous. It’s not just that she’s asleep and I’m writing a paper. It’s more so that she’s so small that she is able to curl up into a ball small enough to fit in the chair ...

Really, should that even be allowed? Look at that! It gets worse. As she’s continued to sleep (and she’s quite out), she’s curled tighter and tighter and wiggled further into the chair. It’s making me jealous.

The other day, just for fun, I tried being like Kristi and curling up into a ball on a chair to fall asleep. It was about the most uncomfortable thing I’ve ever done, and I’m not exactly a big person. She makes it look so easy ...

Unfortunately, I couldn’t get a better picture that didn’t have the coat wrapped around her before she woke up. Sorry about that, guys. Also, when Ryan came back from getting the oil changed in his car, he didn’t realize Kristi was in the chair, he just thought it was her coat and that she had left. A few minutes later, when she did one of her “curl tighter” things, he freaked out.

Okay, that’s probably about all the distraction I have time to muster up right now. I’ll try to be more consistant in posting once this hectic week blows over!

In closing, I wish I were as small, compact, and travel size as Kristi is. Seriously, it just seems like you could pick her up and carry her around with you, or put her in your pocket. Put her in a suitcase. Pretty much anywhere, she’d probably fit. I’d better stop before I get in too much more trouble ... At this point I’m running on way too little sleep, too much stress, and not enough rationale.

Tags: Cedarville

I have no problem with RAs. I have no problem with police officers. I really have no problem with authority. Here’s what I do have a problem with: hypocrisy. Especially when it comes from authority.

This morning I had my last class in Old Testament Literature. During finals, we’re allowed to wear jeans to class instead of our usual Class Dress, which is basically anything but jeans. So, this week being finals week, I decided to wear jeans this morning. Sure, finals don’t technically start until tomorrow, but this week is finals week, so that was my defense. And considering 50% of the campus has the same mentality as I on this matter, I wasn’t too concerned about getting demerits for it, and I didn’t. But I did overhear a conversation entailing the demerits of another that made me want to stand up and shout!

I was sitting in my comfy rolly chair when it happened. Two girls were sitting in the row in front of me, one of which was wearing blue jeans, when a tall fellow, who was wearing black jeans, strolled up and sat in the chair on the end of the row.

Black Jeans Guy: Hey, you’re wearing jeans. I should write you up.
Blue Jeans Girl: It’s finals ...
Black Jeans Guy: Finals don’t start until tomorrow.
Blue Jeans Girl: Look around you. Everyone is wearing jeans today.
Random Girl: You’re wearing jeans!
Black Jeans Guy: No, these are black jeans. You’re wearing blue jeans.
Blue Jeans Girl: Your point?
Black Jeans Guy: The rule book says no blue jeans. Black jeans are fine. It’s okay though. You’re my friend, and it’s the last week, so I won’t write you up.
Random Girl: How considerate of you.

This conversation bothered me on so many levels. First of all, Black Jeans Guy was clearly going to let Blue Jeans Girl off the hook merely because they were friends. I was crossing my fingers the entire class, hoping he would turn around and try to give me demerits after class so I could give him the what’s-up. He didn’t.

Friend exceptions bug me, just like any amount of inconsistency bugs me, but the fact that he was actually trying to give demerits to someone else for wearing jeans while he was wearing jeans just made me want to jump into the conversation even more. I refrained.

I wanted to jump up and say, “Oh my goodness, do you not even understand the rules you’re supposed to be enforcing? The rule book says nothing about jeans whatsoever, no matter the color! Dr. Brown made a joke about it last year in chapel, but the rule book is silent on the matter.”

If he had talked to me after class, here’s what I would have said: “I’ll make you a deal. We walk to the SSC right now and get a Student Handbook. If the handbook says anything about jeans, specifically blue jeans, you can right me up for five demerits, if you want.” A dress code violation is only worth two demerits. “However, if black jeans are just as unacceptable as blue jeans, you and I are marching to your RDs office and you’re giving yourself demerits while I get none.”

Just for fun, let’s have a look at the Student Handbook, shall we? Yes, I actually have memorized parts of the Handbook just for moments such as these. It really would have made my day if he had talked to me ...

Men
Dress/sport shirt, sweaters/sweatshirts, slacks, and footwear (no long/short-sleeved T-shirts or shorts)
Women
Skirts, dresses, blouses, sweaters/sweatshirts, slacks, and footwear (no long/short-sleeved T-shirts, shorts, or leggings)

Since their seems to be a bit of confusion, let’s define “slacks” according to Webster.

slacks: trousers especially for casual wear
trouser: pant
pant: an outer garment covering each leg separately and usually extending from the waist to the ankle

As you may have noticed, as I certainly did, slacks mentions nothing of denim or color. In fact, if we took this definition completely literally, jeans may even be allowed! However, they aren’t.

It’s not so much that I care about the fact that jeans may or may not be allowed according to the Handbook. It’s that the RA used the “fact” that “the rule book says no blue jeans.” No, it doesn’t. I’ve heard RAs misquote the rule book numerous times, and it bothers me that those in authority that are supposed to be enforcing the rules on us don’t even have a proper understanding of the rules they are to be enforcing. This is why I memorize parts of the rule book. Now I just wish someone would call me out when I actually have a good defense like today ...

Tags: Cedarville, RA

Dear RA Who Delivered Demerits to the Gentleman Texting in the Balcony of Chapel Yesterday:

My name is Alex Laird. You may have seen my picture here. You may notice that there’s a difference in appearance between that person and the person you gave demerits to yesterday in chapel who gave you my name as his own. That’s because that was my roommate, Dave.

I forget the state, but there was once a guy who was arrested for refusal to cooperate with a Police Officer. After being pulled over, the officer asked him to show him his Driver’s License and Insurance Identification. The man refused to show the cards, but diligently produced the numbers for each (including expiration date) for all forms of his identification. The officer again asked him to produce the materials. The man informed the officer that, by law, he was not required to produce the physical cards, all he was required to give the officer were the numbers. The officer could have just taken the numbers, written them down, and run them through system back in the squad car. Instead he arrested the man.

The case went to court. The man’s defense was that Police Officers should be required to know the laws in their own states. It’s true, you aren’t required to show your actual driver’s license (in certain states) if you can give them a valid number that they can look up; the officer didn’t know this, but the man who was pulled over did. The case was finally dropped because, well, the guy hadn’t done anything wrong. But he certainly proved his point. If the upholders of the law don’t even know all the laws they’re supposed to be upholding, what’s the point of having them uphold them?

Dave and I like to test RAs. It’s a sick fascination we have, I guess, taunting them by quoting from the rule book and weaseling our way out of demerits. I guess I don’t know the official procedure, but I would assume RAs are supposed to ask you for both your name and your identification number; at least, every one I’ve ever talked to always has. What are the odds you actually have a friend’s ID number memorized?

Yesterday, Ryan and I didn’t sit in the balcony of chapel. We sat down on the floor with Kristi for a change of pace. Dave still sat in the balcony. In the empty seats Ryan and I would have been, a Willets RA sat. Next to Dave. Who was texting (per usual). At the end of chapel, the RA informed Dave she was going to have to give him demerits for being inattentive. Though, let’s be honest, he was probably be more attentive than the majority of the rest of the students in chapel, right? Turkey Break starts tomorrow, let’s be honest. Out of spite toward Ryan and me for not sitting with him, Dave gave the RA my name instead of his own. She didn’t ask for his ID number.

These are, hands down, the bests demerits I ever will have received! Demerits take several weeks to process, usually, so I’m hoping they arrive in my Inbox before the end of the semester. I’ll be sure to post them on Facebook as soon as they do :)!

Tags: Cedarville, RA

I was sitting in the computer pit, outside The Hive, when I overheard the following conversation. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Soccer Jock 1: I got 120, man!
Soccer Jock 2: No way, dude! That’s awesome!
Soccer Jock 1: I’m serious. It almost didn’t happen, and I was so shocked when it did, but now I have the record.
Soccer Jock 2: That’s pretty sweet. So how did it happen?
Soccer Jock 1: Well, the old record was, like, 107. But I beat that by a landslide.
Soccer Jock 2: Yah?
Soccer Jock 1: Yah. Soccer Jock 3 and I were just sitting at my computer the other night, watching it go up. It was at 100, then it jumped up to 106, then it dropped down to 98. I didn’t think it was going to happen, and then, for a few seconds, it jumped to 120!
Soccer Jock 2: Nobody’s going to believe you, though.
Soccer Jock 1: No, dude, Soccer Jock 3 was there too! He saw it.
Soccer Jock 2: Well, at least you have a witness. That’s awesome.
Soccer Jock 1: Yah. So, now I have the record on the Soccer team for most friends on Facebook Chat at one time.

You, my friend, need to get a life. I have an idea. How about you go out and spend some time with a few of those 120 friends (who are clearly as anti-social as yourself) instead of sitting in your room hoping to get a record number of them to all sit down at their computers and sign onto Facebook at the same time. That’s just sad. What’s even more sad is that you’re having a competition over it with your Soccer team. You do know that most of the school scoffs at your arrogance, right? And this isn’t helping your case out much ...

I’m still not sure which is worse though: the Soccer team or the Baseball team. But this scenario definitely helped the Soccer team a lot of points against them.

Tags: Cedarville

There I was, wandering the SSC in an attempt to find Kristi. The search was in vain, I now realize, because she was in Chuck’s; I place I didn’t plan on looking. (Why are you eating now? I still don’t understand. It’s before 5:00.)

Okay, first side tangent. People at Cedarville eat at ridiculous hours! At home, I’m used to eating at normal and civilized hours such as 6:00 or 6:30. You know, after your Dad gets home from work? I come to Cedarville, and it took me several months of eating by myself before realizing if I wanted company when I ate Dinner that I’d have to eat when I wasn’t hungry. Ridiculously early times such as 5:00 and 5:30. And, apparently, not 4:30. I didn’t even know Chuck’s opened that early.

But that’s not even really part of my story. My story involves breaking up. I went through The Hive, checked my mail (again), and finally decided she was nowhere to be found and that I would sit on one of the comfy couches by the computers underneath the stairs. As I approached said area with comfy couches, I noticed an Awkward Lounge Couple. Except this Awkward Lounge Couple was exceptionally awkward. They weren’t in a lounge either. They were in a coat room. The coat room by the bookstore. This seemed a strange place for a couple to be hanging, albeit I’ve seen stranger and more disturbing in my day.

Turns out this couple wasn’t just hanging. Oh no. The Awkward Lounge Couple seemed to be having a DTR, and it wasn’t the good kind of DTR. It appeared to be one of those “We aren’t an R anymore” sort of DTRs. It had all the tell-tale signs of breakupness. Guys head hung in shame. Guy still remaining to sit awkwardly close to girl, even though she was clearly trying to get away. Girl looking far too pleased with herself considering the guys extremely depressed expression. Guys hands folded in his lap. Guy on the verge of crying. Girl sort of doing that weird try-to-touch-his-arm-without-actually-touching-his-arm sort of thing to reassure him/not give him false hope at the same time.

It was just really awkward. And to add to things, it was in a coat room. On uncomfortable chairs that were stacked in the coat room. (Yes, the guy was actually sitting on said stack of chairs, feet not touching the ground.)

So, Cedarville couples, please stop breaking up in public places. This is at least the third public breakup I’ve seen this year. Lounges are just awkward places, not only for the other person involved in the breakup, but also for everyone else in the lounge ... Especially for everyone else in the lounge. This couple seemed to be making an effort to stay out of the lounges and opted for a coat closet. Really, that’s not any better. Not only was it close to a lounge anyway, it’s ... It’s a coat closet! I can’t say anything else about this. I’m too weirded out.

Tags: Cedarville

This morning, as I left my dorm room and headed to work, the temperature was below 25 degrees, and I shudder to even speculate at what the wind chill was.
 
That being said, I was forced to don my coat, gloves, and soft hat this morning, even though they didn't match the rest of my outfit.  It's a sad day when I'm forced to bust out the coat ...

Tags: Cedarville

I have an Old Testament exam I should be studying for. You can’t blame me too much for not studying right now. I’m in class right now learning about Binary Search Trees and balancing an AVL Tree. The classroom is too warm, and the weather outside is too cold. Somewhere trapped between the two extremes is my inability to think straight and the cause of my obnoxious sweating. Like most rooms at Cedarville, this one is filled with distractions. There’s the huge windows which allow me to look down toward the Milner and Tyler buildings. There’s that comfy and hideous couch in the corner which no one ever sits in and everyone wonders why it’s even in the room. There’s my notebook paper, which can easily be shredded into a million pieces throughout the course of a class period; it’s amazing how many ways you can rip a small piece of paper. Then, of course, there’s my laptop, which is an infinite source of distraction. Although it’s not necessarily all these distractions that are the source of my inability to focus. They just feed it when it’s hungry.

I am Alex’s inability to concentrate. Merely a child of his ADD mind and obsessive compulsive characteristics. I’m the reason he counts his steps. I’m the reason he over thinks every situation. I’m the reason he studies minute details that nobody else notices. I’m the reason he walks in syncopation with the music on his headphones. And in a contrasting sort of way, I’m the reason he can’t concentrate on nothing and fall asleep at night.

I make him run potential conversations over in his head, taking every possibly path the conversation might take, traversing every possible scenario even past the point of literal and ethical standards. And I’m also the reason he forgets all the scenarios when finally presented with the aforementioned conversation. I scatter his thoughts and make him forget the sentences he had so carefully constructed.

I’m the reason he taps his foot, shakes his arm, or twitches his hand when most people sit still. I’m the cause of his intermittent thought patterns. I’m the cause of his dazing off, staring at nothing for minutes on end. And I extend far beyond his academic life.

I probably make him feel crazy most of the time, but that’s my job. I’m just doing what I’m meant to do.

Tags: Cedarville

That’s right, I know everything. But don’t worry, I won’t turn you in for it. I do it all the time.

Who was in chapel this morning, can I see a show of hands? Well, someone was texting in chapel this morning; someone who uses AT&T, and I can almost prove it.

AT&T has got a few things going for them these days, namely the iPhone and their amazing 3G network. While 3G is awesome, here’s the biggest problem with it. It has such high bandwidth data transfer that the signal frequently interferes with surrounding signals. I’ve also heard, though this is not confirmed, that AT&T text messaging uses some sort of an interface that interferes specifically with Bluetooth devices, which your laptop and most computers probably have.

My roommate has a phone that is powered by AT&T. I can predict, almost with perfect accuracy, when he’s going to get a text message before his phone even buzzes. We’ll be sitting in our room, he watching TV, me at my desk doing who-knows-what, and the speakers to our dorm computer will start to sputter, making a staccato style “daaaa-ta-ka-daaa-ta-ka-daaa-ta-ka-daaaaa” sound over and over. “Dave, you’re getting a text.” Seconds later, his phone buzzes.

So, remember that loud and obnoxious “daaaa-ta-ka-daaa-ta-ka-daaa-ta-ka-daaaaa” that we heard blasting over the sound system this morning, interrupting Dr. Brown as he was recognizing our Grandparents? There’s an extremely high chance (I’d say ... 90%) that the cause of that was someone in chapel receiving a text message on the AT&T network.

Tags: Cedarville, Apple

Since I have yet to take the time to route the Dave and Alex’s Happy Fun-Time Blog RSS feed into this blog, I’ll just have to include links to my most recent posts on the blog. Here you go.

Things I’ve Seen, Pt. 3

Things I’ve Seen, Pt. 4

Things I’ve Heard, Pt. 2

Read up. I strongly suggest Things I’ve Heard, Pt. 2, which relates to recent ridiculous comments on the election. Gotta love ‘em!

Tags: Politics, Cedarville, Blog

It’s been a long week. Lost somewhere in exams, papers, and projects is my sleep. I’m not complaining or saying it’s a bad week, time just seems to be moving very slowly.

Yesterday, I woke up early to go to work, as usual for a Wednesday. I left work a bit early so I could lay my head on the desk in class for a few minutes before it started. That never actually happened, because as I sat in my comfy rolly chair, Nathan walked up to our row and asked if anyone was sitting in the chair to my right. It was empty, so he sat down.

Dr. Miller, the professor who teaches multiple sections of Old Testament Literature, a class of several hundred students, tore his Achilles Tendon a couple months ago, and he’s had to hobble around in a cast with crutches since then. A hard thing to do for a man who loves to walk up and down the aisles of his class while he teaches. I think he was in an exceptionally good mood yesterday, as it appeared he didn’t have the cast on at all anymore and he was walking up and down the aisles before class started.

Nathan has a travel mug that he had sitting on the desk. Dr. Miller walked up to our row and picked Nathan’s mug.

“It’s not even full,” he commented.
“No, I already drank most of it this morning,” Nathan replied.
“You could go fill it up outside.”
“That’s right!” I jutted in, “they have that stand out there now!”

Usually I would have had to walk all the way back to the SSC, and I was in the Bible building, so that was just too far of a walk. But they have a coffee stand in the atrium of the Bible building that I had totally forgotten about! I reached towards my bag before realizing I didn’t have my travel mug with me today; I had taken it out of my bag the day prior.

“Aw, nuts, I don’t have my mug.” My dismay was evident.
“You could just get one of the cups they have out there,” Dr. Miller suggested. “Here, do you need a dollar?”
“Are you serious?”

Apparently he was, because he reached for his wallet, pulled out a dollar, and handed it to me. “I am so getting a cup of coffee then!” I leapt up from my chair and ran out of the classroom, off to get my Sumatra coffee.

It could have been that Dr. Miller was in an exceptionally good mood due to the lack of a cast on his ankle. It could have been that it was incredibly obvious how tired I was and that he wanted me to stay awake in his class. It could have been that he felt guilty because he still hasn’t followed up on our coffee date which we agreed to last year ... And the beginning of this year. But I like to think that, had all the previous elements been missing, he still would have handed me a dollar. That’s just how Dr. Miller is.

Which brings me to my main point: that’s how Cedarville is. When people ask me what my favorite thing about Cedarville is, or why they should come (or transfer) here, I always tell them to same thing: the professors. Sure, the social atmosphere is awesome as well, and that’s a huge part of college, but the purpose of college is to study and learn, so professors are pretty important, I’d say. And when you’re paying ... Well ... A lot of money for a better education, there had better be some reason you’re paying that much more.

It’s not uncommon to visit your professor’s house, or your advisor’s, or the head of your department’s. The professors here don’t just try to shuffle you through their class with a passing grade, they’re actually interested in whether you’re learning properly. They’re also interested in your personal life, and I’ve had numerous professors offer to pray for me or help me in any way they can.

It’s not always just little things like offering a dollar for coffee though. Last year, I was in a class of about eighty people. For every section this professor taught, he had all the students over to his house to enjoy a home cooked meal after the Final by his lovely wife. Around the time of the final, one of my fellow classmate’s parents died. Obviously, the professor allowed them to go home and take the Final at a later time. That wasn’t all the professor did though. He actually bought the student a plane ticket home as well so they wouldn’t have to drive.

Whether it’s a genuine interest in the personal life of their students, a willingness to serve them in any way possible, or simply a dollar to wake a student up in their class, it’s evident that the professors at Cedarville care about you and your academic career. And, while buying a plane ticket for a student is a pretty awesome thing to do, that doesn’t lessen the meaning of “little” things at all. That coffee basically saved my life this morning. Thanks, Dr. Miller!

That’s just one of the many reasons I love Cedarville.

Tags: Cedarville

I was never really good at Chemistry. Better at it than at Biology, but still not exceptional. Granted, I earned an A when I took Chemistry in college, but this was from Kirkwood, which doesn’t have the highest academic prestige, so the A was easily achieved without completely understanding the material ... The same goes for Biology, which I also took there and received a B+. That being said, I may not have the fullest understanding of acids and bases and things breaking down. (In fact, if the previous sentence really makes no sense, that’s probably why ... I was just trying to throw the words out to sound intelligent.)

I’m also the type of person that, if you tell me to do something (you don’t even have to dare me, really) and it’s not against my morals and doesn’t seem to have the potential to cause a fatality, I’ll probably do it. I’m always up for checking off experiences from my “Things To Do Before I Die” list. I guess that’s why I have black nails right now ...

Last night, we celebrated the Finnish holiday of Pyhäinpäivä (PUH-HAH-IN-PIE-VAH). The American equivalent would be All Saints’ Day, but while All Saints’ Day is always on November 1st, Pyhäinpäivä is on the first Saturday between October 31st and November 6th. Now, I know what you’re thinking. Last night wasn’t Saturday. That is very perceptive of you. We just realized this morning that Griffin actually gave us the wrong day to celebrated the beloved holiday of our ancestors, but we will try to forgive him. But since we didn’t get to celebrate Pyhäinpäivä last Saturday, we decided to celebrate it last night, the 6th, by watching The Office and performing several Finnish traditions with a large group of people.

It was a fantastic turnout. We had seventeen people show up to a celebration that they had never even heard of. During the commercial breaks of The Office, we muted the volume and partook together in the Finnish festivities we had planned just an hour before the party started. Such festivities include, but are not limited to ...

• As is custom, the host must advise all invited guests to bring their own eggs. At the celebration of Pyhäinpäivä, all guests must laugh at anyone who actually brings their own eggs. This ceremony is in commemoration King Albert’s (of Mecklenburg) practice of sending out edicts via carrier chicken.
• The oldest male must eat a cotton ball in memory of our ancestors that, in the Finnish blight of 1728, had to ingest their bedding and pillows to survive.
• All guests must pass the flaming grease cup. This symbolizes the flame of unity and also reminds us of an old Finnish legend in which a crew of sailors were caught at sea during a long December. The crew was forced to burn their stores of bacon and butter for warmth to survive and was able to outlast the winter. The cup of grease must be passed counterclockwise, each person saying to the person to their right what they would give them for Christmas, if they could give them anything.
• One volunteer, or victim chosen at random if no one should volunteer, must perform the traditional Finnish dance to keep the spirits at bay for the coming year. Since the traditional Finnish dance has long since been forgotten, the volunteer must improvise interpretively. The person must volunteer without knowing what they are agreeing to do, thus symbolizing the stark bravery of Finnish dancers.
• A song must be sung to commemorate the coronation of King Valdemar of the house of Bjelbo. The original melody has long since been forgotten, so any song that is well known, radio-worthy, and at least nine years old may be sung. And, in light of King Valdemar’s decree regarding the Great Minstrel Hunt of 1264, the song must be sung a capella by all guests present.
• There was a chicken virus that went around in Finland in 1355. At that time, whenever someone ate anything made out of eggs, they weren’t sure if the egg had been infected or not. The chance taken in eating things made with eggs is represented by a game of chance referred to as “Never Have I Ever” or, in Finnish, “Koskaan Olen Koskaan.” All guests must form a circle, placing an egg on the group in front of them. One person says something that they have never done, and anyone in the circle who has done that thing must spin their egg. If the egg stops spinning while it is pointing at the person who spun it, they are officially out of the game. The last person remaining collects all the eggs at the end of the game.
• The Finnish are known especially for two things: Their love of unity and friendship, and their exception hip-grabbing ability. To celebrate, all members present must participate in an impromptu conga line from the party’s locale to the nearest seller of overpriced goods, through their place of business, and back to the party.

I offered Ryan a rolly-polly baby Panda for Christmas, Shannon performed the interpretive dance, we sang Fresh Prince of Bel-Air in memory of King Valdemar, and I happened to be the oldest male present. So I ate a cotton ball. Not just any cotton ball, mind you, but probably the largest one in the bag; it was dark and I just reached in and grabbed one, but it happened to be enormous. After mustering up all my gumption, I stuck the cotton ball in my mouth and started salivating to get it wet enough to slide down my throat. It took me quite a while, but finally I tried swallowing. It got stuck half way. I grabbed the nearest cup of Mountain Dew and forced the cotton ball the remainder of the way into my stomach. There was much rejoicing, and I took my seat again as The Office came back on.

Had I paid closer attention in my aforementioned Community College classes, I might have known that the acids in your stomach can’t actually break down cotton for some reason (which leaves me thoroughly unimpressed with my own stomach), and I may have been more wary of eating a cotton ball. As it was, I simply thought it would digest and there would be no problems.

This morning I woke up with horrendous cramps (on top of an already very upset stomach) and a terrible headache. I tried sitting up in bed, but that seemed to hurt too much, so I just laid there for a very long time, eventually skipping my first class.

So let this be a lesson to all of you! I know Buddy eats cotton balls in Elf, and it looks like fun and that he doesn’t suffer any consequences from his actions, but trust me ... He does! Your stomach, intestines, and basically any part of your digestive tract don’t get along well with cotton balls.

See what you missed out on last night, Jon McGill?

Tags: Holidays, Kirkwood, Cedarville

Cedarville University seems to have made it into the papers again. This story is almost as amazing as the Climate of Fear article reported a while back (the parody of which, Climate of Beer, was even better).

Apparently this is all they could find to report on ...

Here’s the situation: A suspicious packaged is found on campus by a staff member and is reported to the proper authorities. The bomb squad is apparently the proper authorities on such matters. The package is properly disposed of, Cedarville is in the news.

Let’s try to put this into a proper perspective ... So, you’re walking through the DMC, thinking of the best way to inform your class that the highest grade was a 79%, but it still doesn’t reflect your teaching (somehow), and you see a small, brown box off in a dark corner. I don’t know about you, but if that were me, I would first give my students a major curve because my exam sucked. Secondly, I would not assume the box was a bomb. This is Cedarville. Clearly there’s a legitimate explanation for the “suspicious” package. I’m not sure if the box looked at the staff member ominously, or if it just straight up said, “This Is Suspicious” on the front, but unless one of those two things is true (and believe me, a box with eyes is a cause for concern), I don’t think Campus Safety needs to get involved. Hey, but on the bright side, you now have an excuse to cancel class.

This evidently just goes to show how little Campus Safety really has to do, and how tired they are of simply handing out Parking Violations. They took this as their time to shine. The last time that happened was ... Sheesh ... With the Cadillitic Converters being randomly stolen off cars last year! So, Campus Safety gets this report of a suspicious package, goes to check it out, finds that it’s a harmless brown box, moves it to, of all places, the driving range on the outskirts of campus, and ... Calls Hazmat. Then they send out a campus wide email informing us they have the situation under control.

Good. Because we all were aware of the situation and very concerned. Of course, Cedarville being the small campus that it is, and not already having enough female gossip to go around, everyone starts talking about the package.

Of course, you can’t have a suspicious package without the news getting involved. So the nightly news came to campus to interview people and do a report on it. They decided to run it as a “bomb threat”, which I think should have meant we didn’t have school the next day, but we did. It wasn’t a bomb threat. It was a suspicious package. There was never even really talk of a bomb, except that the bomb squad was here ... Minor details.

So, what was in the package, anyway? Well, after the campus wide email regarding the suspicious package went out, a group of students who had placed the package (as suspiciously as possible, apparently) decided to come forward and admit their crime. They had placed the box in the DMC as part of a scavenger. I’m guessing it was the final prize. It contained a box of chocolates. After the group of students came forward, Campus Safety and the Bomb Squad turned the investigation over to local authorities. I’m not sure what that means, but if those guys are prosecuted for a scavenger hunt, they you know Cedarville has too much time on its hands!

But just think, if the staff member had just quietly taken the box with him or her, he or she could have had that entire box of chocolates to themselves, and no one would have been the wiser, and the people participating in the scavenger hunt would have felt severely shafted. Finders keepers.

Tags: Cedarville

Sorry, I know, this is the second blog post about mostly the same thing. But I’ve found a better way to do it, and it didn’t seem beneficial to simply erase my old blog post. But this one won’t include pictures, it’s just a general overview of what I think is a far more simplistic way to combine your Cedarville email address with your personal email address. I’ll use Apple Mail as the third-party client of choice this time. (I know, it’s not cross-platform like Thunderbird ... Deal.) You’ll also need a Gmail account.

If you already have a Gmail account, skip this step.
You’ll need to register for a Gmail account here. Under the Accounts tab of Settings in your Gmail account, you’ll need to import your other email account via POP3. (Instructions for your POP3 settings should be provided by your email service.)

Now, after you’ve got a Gmail account (or if you already had a Gmail account), you’ll need to import your Cedarville email account as an additional POP3 account to your Gmail Inbox. You can do this the same way listed above, using the following POP3 information for Cedarville’s mail server:

Username: myusername@cedarville.edu
Password: mypassword
Server: pop.cedarville.edu
Port: 110

I shouldn’t have to say this, but obviously you should put your own username and password in ... Not the above. For convenience sake, you can check “Leave a copy of retrieved message on the server” and “Label incoming messages: myusername@cedarville.edu”.

You now have all your email accounts in one place. However, it’s in a browser-based environment; you can only get to it when an internet connection is present. If you would like to retrieve it all through Apple Mail, all you need do is open Apple Mail and add an account. The newest version of Apple Mail knows instinctively how to setup a Gmail account, so all you’ll need to do is provide your Gmail username and password. The rest is done automatically.

Back in Gmail, if you want to be able to send mail from you Cedarville account through Gmail (only in browser mode ... Not from Apple Mail ... Sorry), you’ll need to add yet another server through Settings-->Accounts in Gmail. All you need do in this case is add your Cedarville email address as a “Send Mail As” account, check your Cedarville account, follow the link provided in that email, and voila, you can send email from your Cedarville account through your Gmail account.

And all this is free :).

There’s one more treat. In Apple Mail, your email will always be sent from Gmail, not Cedarville. There is a way to send mail from your Cedarville account the Apple Mail, but it’s kind of pointless. But guess what, you can get the GroupWise address book via LDAP into your Apple Addressbook. Here’s how:

In Apple Mail, go to Preferences. Click on the Composing tab. Click “Configure LDAP ...” Add a new LDAP server with the following information:

Name: Cedarville
Server: imap.cedarville.edu
Port: 389
Search Base: o=cedarnet1
Scope: Subtree

Now, when composing a message, you can start typing any name (you’ll need to wait a bit) and it will search the GroupWise address book and return any matches. It works pretty well :).

Enjoy.

Tags: Apple, Cedarville, Mail

Dave and I decided to start a collaborative blog that’s probably more awesome than anything else you may be reading, so you should check it out.

Dave and Alex’s Happy Fun-Time Blog

Tags: Internet, Cedarville

Cedarville has this thing ... Novell GroupWise. I don't mind Novell, but it's not my favorite. It slows computers and networks down. The problem is, when you have a campus with thousands of comptuers on it, Novell is really the best way to go as far as Networking Utilities go.

That doesn't mean you have to use their email client, GroupWise, though. But Cedarville says we do. Ick. So, a few nights ago, I set out to find the servers that Cedarville stores emails, the address book, and calendar. There's good news and bad news: The good news is, I successfully figured out the email and address book. The bad news is, the calendar may be internal ... Which means you're forced to use GroupWise to view it. But at least you can use something other than GroupWise for your email now! The following instructions are for setting up Mozilla Thunderbird, because it's the most popular (and probably best) client that I've had people ask for. I'll write instructions for other clients in the future (hopefully once I figure out a work-around for the calendar), and I may post a link to the Help Page created for this on Cedarville's website after I finish it. But for now, here you go.

The beauty of Mozilla Thunderbird is it works on most any OS you're using (Windows, Mac, or Linux), and it allows for multiple accounts (I use it to combine my school and Gmail accounts), so organization is much better ... It's all in one application :)!

1.) Download and install Mozilla Thunderbird from this website.
2.) The first time you run Thunderbird, you will see this screen:
Note: If you already have a Thunderbird account setup, open Thunderbird, select Tools->Account Settings... (Edit->Account Settings... for Linux). Select "Add Account ..."
Select "Email account" and click "Next >".


3.) Enter your Full Name and full Email Address (include @cedarville.edu) in the boxes provided.


4.) Select "IMAP" and specify imap.cedarville.edu as the Incoming Server.
5.) Enter mail.cedarville.edu for the outgoing server.


6.) Enter your full email address for both the Incoming and Outgoing User Names (include @cedarville.edu).


7.) Enter your full email address as the Account Name (include @cedarville.edu).


8.) Click "Finish >".
9.) Enter your GroupWise password and select "Use Password Manager to remember passwords" if you want Thunderbird to remember your password.


10.) Click "Get Mail" to retrieve your account information (folders and stuff) from the server.


Your email account is set up! Now to add the GroupWise address book ...

1.) In Thunderbird, click "Address Book".
2.) Select File->New->LDAP Directory ...
3.) Enter "GroupWise" for the Name.
4.) Enter "imap.cedarville.edu for the Hostname.
5.) Enter "o=cedarnet" for the Base DN.
6.) Make sure the Port Number is set to "389".


Now your address book is set to sync to the LDAP server! If you want your Cedarville account to automatically look in that address book, do the following ...

1.) Select Tools->Account Settings... (Edit->Account Settings... for Linux).
2.) Under username@cedarville.edu, select "Composition & Addressing".
3.) Under Addressing, select "Use a different LDAP server:
4.) From the drop-down, select "GroupWise".


I'll let you guys know when I get the calendar thing figured out. If you're a Mozilla fan, Thunderbird doesn't have a calendar feature. You either use Mozilla Sunbird (specifically for calendars) or Mozilla SeaMonkey (which is an all-in-one suite). Obviously, if you don't use Mozilla products, you can use the above configuration settings for any client ... If you have any questions, let me know.

Tags: Cedarville, Mail

Greetings, youngins, and welcome to our beautiful campus. We're glad you're visiting, and we'd love for you to choose Cedarville as your college destination in the years to come. But here's the deal: We all know when you're visiting. And, trust me, when you too become a student here and find yourself looking at all the guests, you'll see why it's blatently obvious that you don't go here. So, here are a few tips for you to follow while enjoying your stay at Cedarville. These will help you blend in with the students better and not stick out like an awkward, sore thumb. It will also help you not annoy us quite so much ...

Lose the folders:
When you arrive, Admissions will give you a white folder which contains all of the information concerning you stay. Lose it as soon as possible. (Freshman, this actually applies to you too.) If you absolutely must carry the stuff with you, run down to our bookstore and buy a red folder. Just so it's not a white Cedarville folder. Seriously, we look for those. But an even better idea is to conceal the folder inside a ...

Backpack:
You're on a college campus. We're all business here. We go to classes and even do homework occassionally. So, how do we carry all our stuff around with us all day? In a backpack! Just like you do in high school, actually. So bring it with you. It's a place to stuff that white folder away, and it also makes you look like you mean business too!

Get rid of the lanyard:
I think you're only given these on CU Friday's, so they aren't as common as the white folders. But they're farm more visible. Get rid of it as soon as your guide turns their back to you. Honestly, girls, you can't expect attention from college guys if you have that wrapped around your neck. And, obviously, that must be what you want based upon what you choose to wear. Which brings us to ...

Dress code:
We don't have it on Fridays. We incorporate a lovely thing called "Casual Dress." So don't come wearing khakis and a collared shirt or you'll stand out in chapel and in Chuck's. On the flip side, still at least attempt to not look like a skank. Wearing your outfit with the least amount of thread probably isn't a good idea for two reasons: Since you're obviously still wearing it and haven't received demerits yet, you must not be a student here, and RAs will stop you far too often, thus souring your impression of Cedarville. Avoid contact with RAs at all costs ... They might give you a sour impression of Cedarville as well.

Along these lines, did you get a free Cedarville t-shirt? Don’t wear it. We all know what they look like, and you won’t be the only one who thought, “Oh, hey, I should wear this today.”

Lose the parents:
We know you love them. I love mine. And they love you. Now that we've established we all love eachother, and we're comfortable with that fact, lose them. Next to the white folders and lanyards, parents are the next biggest flag that says, "Hey, I don't go here." Not simply because of the fact that their parents. Obviously, I'll gladly walk around campus with my parents when they come visit. And many of the professors here are parents anyway. But parents, when visiting a college, have a tendency to ask too many questions, point at things and speak loudly about them, and ask you questions like, "So, what do you think?" "Do you want to go here?" "Chuck's was really good!" If you were a student, not a visitor, your parents would have heard from you that Chuck's, in fact, was not "really good" and they would not make the mistake of saying it quite so loud.

Still on the subject of parents, they slow you down immensley. When touring a campus, you really need to get away and explore for yourself. You're going to be here for four years, sans parents. You don't need them to help you on a tour. Additionally, when you're in the afformentioned Chuck's, your parents will slow you down in line. They'll try to talk to you about the day, the food, what you think of the college, and they'll forget that the line is supposed to be moving forward. Then it doesn't. Then you have plenty of angry Cedarville students in the line behind you, annoyed that you're here. And, honestly, we don't want to be annoyed that you're here! We want to like you! But when you make our life more difficult ... And it takes five times as long simply to get our food ...

Don't follow the tour guide:
A tour. Ah, someone walking backwards on the sidewalk in front of a group of fifteen people with white folders is predominantly the most obvious way to target visitors. Honestly, do you really want to know that ENS was built in 1992? Or that the SSC holds Chuck's (our cafeteria), the post office, the bookstore, The Hive (our campus restaraunt), Veccinos (mmm ... coffee), and the game room? Or that Milner is predominantly known as the Business Building? You'll figure all of that out on your own ...

Give yourself a self-guided tour with a couple of the friends you brought with you visit. You'll get to know all of the buildings better than you ever wanted to once you start having classes in them. Anyway, you'll probably get another "official" the first week of your Freshman year ... But you should skip that one too. Now, when you and your friends are giving yourselves a self-guided tour, be especially careful to ...

Know what you're doing:
Once you pull out that white piece of paper that has your schedule, a map of the campus, or a list of available classes you can sit in on on it, you're dead. If you absolutely have to look at that thing, go hide in a bathroom stall. It's a dead giveaway. Before taking your self-guided tour, find a corner somewhere to hide with your friends and look at the campus map. Memorize it before you arrive on campus (there’s a map at cedarville.edu), even write some information down on a sticky note if you absolutely need to. Anything so that you know what you're doing and where you're going.

There's a problem with that. How are you supposed to know what you're doing on a campus you've never even been to before? Answer: You're not. It's this fantastic this called "acting." Further explained in “Don’t draw undue attention to yourself.”

Don’t sit in your reserved section:
You have a reserved section in Chuck’s ... Don’t sit there. Could you be more obvious?

Don’t use the computer labs:
You can’t log on to the computers; you don’t have access. Walking in before realizing this will only make you stand out to the entire lab.

Don’t draw undue attention to yourself:
This sort of goes with “Know what you’re doing,” but I need to elaborate more. When you’re walking around campus, whether it’s giving yourself a tour or trying to visit a class, know where you’re going. Even if you don’t, you do. If you suddenly realize you’re lost, don’t stop in the middle of the sidewalk, look at the buildings, and say, “Wait, I think Apple’s over there ...” This is really only acceptable the first week of school, and, anyway, it would identify you as a Freshman even then, which is equally bad. If you realize your lost, just keep walking. If you make a full loop around the lake, who cares. Chances are nobody’s actually followed you that long, so they won’t realize you’re lost.

If you do get lost, don’t come to a class late. Not only is that annoying (I’m talking to YOU, students) for everyone who arrived on time (and for the professor), it makes you stand out. Then you go sit in the back. Everyone in class knows you don’t belong there. Oh, and don’t bring your parents to class with you.

When walking, be sure not to look around awkwardly, gawking at all the new attractions. Look ahead, or slightly down, and look up occasionally to nod at people you don’t know. It will make you look like you fit in.

Your cell phone is not your friend. Don’t pull it out to see if someone texted you, or to pretend your on the phone. We can tell you’re faking it and just trying to look cool.


I think that’s about it. Follow these guidelines and you’re off to a fantastic visit at Cedarville. Also, many of these tips can be applied to Freshman as well. Please understand, we students don’t hate you. Obviously, it’s awesome that Cedarville continues to grow so rapidly. But you must realize we break the bank every year to pay our tuition ... And we live here. You’re coming onto our turf. On the flip side, I’d love to have a CU Friday this year that hits, say, 750 visitors ... Then, maybe, they will see how horribly crowded our cafeteria is and how much our school has grown and they’ll build us another new one!

Tags: Cedarville, High School

While we understand impersonating an RA is a demeritable offense here at Cedarville University (dishonesty), it’s rather tempting. After all, how hard is it, in all honesty? My roommate and I have established that, in order to portray yourself as an RA, all you really have to do is awkwardly introduce yourself to a stranger in the following manner:

“Um, I’m an RA ...” And continue you on the demerit worthy offense.

So, here’s my question to you. What’s wrong with you? It should really be the Engineers and Computer Science majors that have difficulty establishing friendships and socializing with people at a normal level, but it appears as though the RAs are the most socially awkward people on this campus. Generally speaking, when I feel the urge to introduce myself to a stranger sleeping in front of me in chapel, someone who just blurted the f-bomb in the hall, a girl in a hauntingly low shirt, I extend the hand of friendship and start with something like, “Hi, my name is Alex.”

Where I’m from, the proper, polite way to introduce yourself to a stranger is with your name, not your job description. You don’t see me walking up to people and saying, “Hi, I attend Cedarville University,” or, “Hi, I’m a Lab Assistant.” Say I’m in a situation where someone needs to know that; for instance, I’m in the lab and someone is struggling. Here’s how I would construct my introductory sentence: “Hi, my name is Alex, and I’m a Lab Assistant here.” See? I first establish my name before constructing the remainder of my identity for you. We don’t want to let the entire cat out of the bag all at once.

Honestly, RAs would be so much more amicable if they would make an effort to get to know us before demeriting us. I believe I speak for the whole when I say it’s hard for me to respect someone who’s completely rude to me. After all, in confronting me, you’re asking for my respect. And, since I am another human being of the same age/if not older as/than yourself, it would make sense that you too would show me a bit of respect.

On top of that, RAs need to seriously understand where their jurisdiction begins and ends--the school and the handbook. (Also, the sooner you get off your power trip, the better.) You aren’t asked to enforce local law, and you aren’t asked to elaborate on the handbook. Meaning, if it doesn’t specifically state something in the handbook, you don’t need to make up a rule for it simply because you’re uncomfortable. Before awkwardly stepping forward and announcing to the crowd, “Um, I’m an RA ...” think to yourself: Is anyone getting hurt? Is school property actually being damaged? Are moral laws being broken? If the answer to all of these questions is “no” and it’s just your own personal preference, you need to keep silent. (Unless you want to be part of a hazing ...)

Notice I didn’t actually mention anything about the rule book. See, it’s more a set of guidelines, and this is understood by the entire student body and administration. Please understand that while guys aren’t allowed to wear pony tails or nail polish and, technically speaking, no form of denim (blue, black, green, or otherwise) are actually allowed according to the Student Handbook. But does anyone enforce this? No. In fact, Dr. Brown poked fun at this fact last year in chapel. Heck, Dr. Brown’s favorite movie is V for Vendetta, an R-rated movie that is not on our list of approved movies.

Last night, Caitlin, Dave, and I were on the way back from the Labor Day fireworks when, out of the darkness, several water balloons splashed on the sidewalk ahead of us. A few more hit the people walking. We veered slightly off the sidewalk in order to avoid the water balloons, but we were walking in with a large clump of other people (and we didn’t know them). We were also not even close to school property. The water balloons were coming from behind a wooden fence of somebody’s house. Turns out there was an RA in the group ahead of us who was not happy with the water balloon throwing (do I even need to mention that it was a girl?). “Should I go back and talk to them?” She asked the other members of her group. They encouraged her to do so, so she turned around and stated, “Yah, I’m gonna go talk to them.” Dave and I (rather loudly) retorted our complaints on the matter, announcing that she should just leave the pedestrians alone. That, my friend, is just ridiculous. A water balloon? In downtown Cedarville, off campus? Thrown by a shadowed figure behind a white fence?

RAs need to understand that their job is exactly what our RD told us; to protect us, not to make enemies of us. Turns out you’re actually students here too. Yes, above us to protect us, but you don’t need to remind us of that fact unless circumstances require it.

Just to clear things up, I haven’t gotten any demerits recently, I’ve just been observing this, and the incident last night especially annoyed me. I don’t have a problem being rebuked for an immature action when it’s done in love. But when it’s done simply because you realize, “Hey, I have power over this situation, and that person is annoying me,” that’s where it just gets unnecessary and annoying. You could attempt by actually making an effort to introduce yourself before smacking us with “Um, I’m an RA ...” We don’t bite. No need to be afraid. And, honestly, it’s the job you signed up for.

Tags: Cedarville, RA

This afternoon, as Caitlin, Moses, and I sat down to Lunch in Chuck's, something outside the large glass windows caught our attention. Something was swimming in the waters of Cedar Lake. From our perch on high, it was hard to make out exactly what it was; to me, it appeared as though it was a snake swimming in the water, sticking it's head above the surface every few minutes, just to look around. Moses admitted that she had seen it a day prior.

The "thing" appeared to have glossy rubbery skin that was difficult to look at because of the suns bright reflection off it. I guessed that it was black, or at least very dark gray. When it first caught our attention, I thought it was a piece of plastic bobbing in the water, floating to the surface every once in a while. But Moses told me she had seen it on the other side of the lake yesterday and earlier that day. After watching it slither (or so it appeared) through the water, I was next convinced that it was a snake. This assertion made Moses angry, because she kept pounding her fist on the table insisting "it has a fin!" Finally, we realized from our far away position, behind glass, we weren't going to be able to figure out what it was. We decided to clean up our dishes and go down to the water to check it out.

We strolled out of the SSC and up to the water's edge at about the same time that Alberto (henceforth referred to as Bertrude) arrived on the scene. He threw his bike on the ground and joined us lakeside. We all stood there for quite some time observing the finned creature; Moses was right. It was no snake. It certainly had both a fin at it's "rear side" and along the top of it. It looked like a shark, I now thought. Quite honestly, it was about the size of a baby shark. Bertrude made an offhand and completely illegitimate claim that the monster was some type of "carpe." What does he know.

We had three major suspicions. Either it's a baby shark, a dolphin, or the Loch Ness monster. Our only doubt was that we weren't sure if the Loch Ness monster had a fin on it's back or not. Upon consultation of a far more reputable source, Jenna Woestman, we learned that "the Loch Ness monster could have a fin. It pretty much looks like whatever people want it to look like when they think they see it."

I still think it's a baby shark. No matter what it is, consider yourselves warned ... the Cedar Monster lives in Cedar Lake, and it actually ate Bertrude while we were there (may he rest in pieces in it's tummy). Clearly, this must be the cause of the apparent "climate of fear" on our campus, because I can't think of anything else that would be causing it.

At one point as we stood on the grass beside the lake, a group of four girls was walking by on the sidewalk behind us as we stared in awe (crossing ourselves after Bertrude had been eaten). One of the girls said to the others, "Look at the size of that thing! What is that? A fish?" I turned around and looked at the group. "It's not a fish. It's a shark." One of the girls got such a terrified expression on her face that I nearly felt bad for saying it.

Tags: Cedarville, Jenna